The Wisdom of Age

An old geezer, who had been a retired farmer for a long time, became very bored and decided to open a medical clinic. 

He put a sign up outside that said: "Get your treatment for $500, if not cured get back $1,000."

Doctor "Young," who was positive that this old geezer didn't know beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get $1,000.

So he went to Dr. Geezer's clinic.

This is what transpired.

Dr. Young: --- "Dr. Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth." can you please help me ??

Dr. Geezer: --- "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr. Young's mouth."

Dr. Young: --- Aaagh !! -- "This is Gasoline!"

Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You've got your taste back. That will be $500."

Dr. Young gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days figuring to recover his money.

Dr Young: "I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything."

Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth."

Doctor Young: "Oh no you don't, -- that is Gasoline!"

Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You've got your memory back. That will be $500."

Dr. Young (after having lost $1000) leaves angrily and comes back after several more days.

Dr. Young: "My eyesight has become weak --- I can hardly see !!!!

Dr. Geezer: "Well, I don't have any medicine for that so -- " Here's your $1000 back."

Dr. Young: "But this is only $500..."

Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will be $500."


Moral of story -- Just because you're "Young" doesn't mean that you can outsmart an old "Geezer "

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Random thoughts as we age ...

The biggest lie I tell myself is ..."I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it."

Wouldn't it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes; come out wrinkle-free and three sizes smaller!

Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven't met yet.

I don't trip over things, I do random gravity checks.

I don't need anger management. I need people to stop pissing me off.

Old age is coming at a really bad time!

Lord grant me the strength to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can & the friends to post my bail when I finally snap.

I don't have gray hair. I have "wisdom highlights".  I'm just very wise.

My people skills are just fine. It's my tolerance to idiots that needs work.

Teach your daughter how to shoot, because a restraining order is just a piece of paper.

If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would've put them on my knees.

The kids text me "plz" which is shorter than please. I text back "no" which is shorter than "yes" .

I'm going to retire and live off of my savings. Not sure what I'll do that second week.

When did it change from "We the people" to "screw the people" ?

Even duct tape can't fix stupid ... but it can muffle the sound!

Why do I have to press one for English when you're just gonna transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway?

Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice.

Oops! Did I roll my eyes out loud?

At my age "Getting lucky" means walking into a room and remembering what I came in there for.

Chocolate comes from cocoa which is a tree ... that makes it a plant which means ... chocolate is Salad !!!
 

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Words of Wisdom for Men

Your Father probably told you a few things, but just in case he wasn't around enough, here are some words of wisdom you might have missed out on:

1. Go for women you perceive to be “out of your league.” You’ll surprise yourself.

2. Never have sex with anyone that doesn’t want it as much as you.

3. Never hit anyone unless they are an immediate threat.

4. Every hat should serve a purpose.

5. Never take her to the movies on the first date.

6. Learn to wet shave.

7. Nothing looks more badass that a well-tailored suit.

8. Shave with the grain on the first go-around.

9. Always look a person in the eye when you talk to them.

10. Buy a plunger before you need a plunger.

11. Exercise makes you happy. Run, lift and play sports.

12. Brush your teeth before you put on your tie.

13. A small amount of your paycheck should go directly to your savings account every month.

14. Call your parents every week.

15. Never wear a clip-on tie.

16. Give a firm handshake.

17. Compliment her shoes.

18. Never leave a pint unfinished.

19. If you aren't confident, fake it. It will come.

20. You can tell the size of a man by the size of the things that bother him.

21. Be conscious of your body language.

22. The only reason to ever point a gun at someone is if you intend to shoot them.

23. Always stand to shake someone’s hand.

24. Never lend anything you can’t afford to lose.

25. Ask more than you answer. Everybody likes to talk about themselves.

26. Keep a change of clothes at the office.

27. Buy high quality tools, so you only have to buy them once.

28. Manliness is not only being able to take care of yourself, but others as well.

29. Go with the decision that will make for a good story.

30. When you walk, look straight ahead, not at your feet.

31. Nice guys don't finish last. Boring guys do.

32. Find your passion and figure out how to get paid for it.

33. Don't let the little head do the thinking for the big head.

34. No matter their job or status in life, everyone deserves your respect.

35. The most important thing you can learn is personal responsibility. Bad things happen, it’s your job to overcome them. 

36. The first one to get angry loses.

37. Do what need to be done without complaining. It won't help you speed things up.

38. Never stop learning.

39. always go out into public dressed like you're about to meet the love of your life.

40. Don’t change yourself just to make someone happy, unless that someone is you.

41. If you’re the smartest person in the room, you’re in the wrong room.

42. Luck favors the prepared.

43. Women find confidence sexy as hell.

44. Do whatever you want to do in the life, but be the best at it.

45. No one is on their deathbed wishing they spent more time at work. Enjoy your LIFE, you just get ONE.

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