The Train of Life.

At birth we board a train and meet our parents. 

We believe they will always travel by our side. 

However, at some station, our parents will step down from the train, leaving us on this journey alone. 

As time goes by, other people will board the train, and they will be significant - siblings, friends, the love of your life, children, and many others. 

Some will step down and leave a permanent vacuum. Others will go so unnoticed that we won't realize they vacated their seats. 

The train ride will be full of joy, sorrow, fantasy, expectations, hellos, good-byes, and farewells. A successful ride requires having a good relationship with all passengers. We must give the best of ourselves. 

The mystery to everyone is, we do not know at which station we ourselves will step down. So, we must live in the best way, love, forgive, and offer the best of who we are. It is important to do this because when the time comes for us to step down and leave our seat empty we should leave behind beautiful memories for those who will continue to travel on the train of life. 

I wish you a joyful journey on the train of life. Reap success and give lots of love. More importantly, thank God for the journey. 

Be sure to thank those who are passengers on your train ... before the next station arrives. 



Subscribe FREE to Daily FYI ...

A Day At The Supermarket ...

As I came out of the supermarket that sunny day, pushing my cart of groceries towards my car, I saw an old man with the hood of his car up and a lady sitting inside the car, with the door open. The old man was looking at the engine.

I put my groceries away in my car, and continued to watch the old gentleman from about twenty five feet away. 

I saw a young man in his early twenties with a grocery bag in his arm walking towards the old man. The old gentleman saw him coming too, and took a few steps towards him.

I saw the old gentleman point to his open hood and say something. The young man put his grocery bag into what looked like a brand new Cadillac Escalade. He then turned back to the old man. I heard him yell at the old gentleman saying: "You shouldn't even be allowed to drive a car at your age." And then with a wave of his hand, he got in his car and peeled rubber out of the parking lot.

I saw the old gentleman pull out his handkerchief, and mop his brow as he went back to his car and again looked at the engine. 

He then went to his wife and spoke with her; he appeared to tell her it would be okay.

I had seen enough, and I approached the old man. He saw me coming and stood straight, and as I got near him I said, 'Looks like you're having a problem.'

He smiled sheepishly, and quietly nodded his head.

I looked under the hood myself, and knew that whatever the problem was, it was beyond me.

Looking around, I saw a gas station up the road, and I told the old man that I would be right back. I drove to the station and I went inside. I saw three attendants working on cars. I approached one of them, and related the problem the old man had with his car. I offered to pay them if they could follow me back down and help him.

The old man had pushed the heavy car under the shade of a tree and appeared to be comforting his wife. When he saw us he straightened up and thanked me for my help. As the mechanics diagnosed the problem (overheated engine), spoke with the old gentleman.

When I shook hands with him earlier, he had noticed my Marine Corps ring and had commented about it, telling me that he had been a Marine too. I nodded and asked the usual question, 'What outfit did you serve with?'

He had mentioned that he served with the first Marine Division at Tarawa, Saipan, Iwo Jima and Guadalcanal ...

He had hit all the big ones and retired from the Corps after the war was over. As we talked we heard the car engine come on and saw the mechanics lower the hood. They came over to us as the old man reached for his wallet, but was stopped by me. I told him I would just put the bill on my AAA card.

He still reached for the wallet and handed me a card that I assumed had his name and address on it and I stuck it in my pocket. We shook hands all around again, and I said my goodbye's to his wife.

I then told the two mechanics that I would follow them back up to the station. Once at the station, I told them that they had interrupted their own jobs to come along with me and help the old man. I said I wanted to pay for the help, but they refused to charge me.


One of them pulled out a card from his pocket, looking exactly like the card the old man had given to me. Both of the men told me then that they were Marine Corps Reserves. Once again we shook hands all around and as I was leaving, one of them told me I should look at the card the old man had given to me. I said I would and drove off.

For some reason I had gone about two blocks, when I pulled over and took the card out of my pocket and looked at it for a long, long time. The name of the old gentleman was on the card in golden leaf and under his name was written: 'Congressional Medal of Honor Society.'

I sat there motionless, looking at the card and reading it over and over. I looked up from the card and smiled to no one but myself and marveled that on this day, four Marines had all come together because one of us needed help. He was an old man all right, but it felt good to have stood next to greatness and courage, and an honor to have been in his presence.

Remember, OLD men like him gave you FREEDOM for America.  

Thanks to those who served and still serve, and to all of those who supported them, and who continue to support them.

America is not at war.  The U.S. Military is at war. America is at the Mall.   

If you don't stand behind our troops, PLEASE feel free to stand in front of them! 

Remember, Freedom IS NOT free.  Thousands have paid the price, so you can enjoy what you have today.

LET'S DO THIS - JUST 19 WORDS:

GOD OUR FATHER, WALK THROUGH MY HOUSE AND TAKE AWAY ALL MY WORRIES; AND PLEASE WATCH OVER AND HEAL MY FAMILY; AND PLEASE PROTECT OUR FREEDOMS, AND WATCH OVER OUR TROOPS, ‘WHO ARE DEFENDING THOSE FREEDOMS.  AMEN.

Subscribe FREE to Daily FYI ...

Words of Wisdom for Men

Your Father probably told you a few things, but just in case he wasn't around enough, here are some words of wisdom you might have missed out on:

1. Go for women you perceive to be “out of your league.” You’ll surprise yourself.

2. Never have sex with anyone that doesn’t want it as much as you.

3. Never hit anyone unless they are an immediate threat.

4. Every hat should serve a purpose.

5. Never take her to the movies on the first date.

6. Learn to wet shave.

7. Nothing looks more badass that a well-tailored suit.

8. Shave with the grain on the first go-around.

9. Always look a person in the eye when you talk to them.

10. Buy a plunger before you need a plunger.

11. Exercise makes you happy. Run, lift and play sports.

12. Brush your teeth before you put on your tie.

13. A small amount of your paycheck should go directly to your savings account every month.

14. Call your parents every week.

15. Never wear a clip-on tie.

16. Give a firm handshake.

17. Compliment her shoes.

18. Never leave a pint unfinished.

19. If you aren't confident, fake it. It will come.

20. You can tell the size of a man by the size of the things that bother him.

21. Be conscious of your body language.

22. The only reason to ever point a gun at someone is if you intend to shoot them.

23. Always stand to shake someone’s hand.

24. Never lend anything you can’t afford to lose.

25. Ask more than you answer. Everybody likes to talk about themselves.

26. Keep a change of clothes at the office.

27. Buy high quality tools, so you only have to buy them once.

28. Manliness is not only being able to take care of yourself, but others as well.

29. Go with the decision that will make for a good story.

30. When you walk, look straight ahead, not at your feet.

31. Nice guys don't finish last. Boring guys do.

32. Find your passion and figure out how to get paid for it.

33. Don't let the little head do the thinking for the big head.

34. No matter their job or status in life, everyone deserves your respect.

35. The most important thing you can learn is personal responsibility. Bad things happen, it’s your job to overcome them. 

36. The first one to get angry loses.

37. Do what need to be done without complaining. It won't help you speed things up.

38. Never stop learning.

39. always go out into public dressed like you're about to meet the love of your life.

40. Don’t change yourself just to make someone happy, unless that someone is you.

41. If you’re the smartest person in the room, you’re in the wrong room.

42. Luck favors the prepared.

43. Women find confidence sexy as hell.

44. Do whatever you want to do in the life, but be the best at it.

45. No one is on their deathbed wishing they spent more time at work. Enjoy your LIFE, you just get ONE.

Subscribe FREE to Daily FYI ...

The Real Truths in Life

The Real Truths in Life
 
1.    A girl is said to be grown up when she starts wearing a bra. A boy is grown up when he starts removing it.
 
2.    We all love to spend money buying new clothes but we never realize that the best moments in life are enjoyed without clothes.
 
3.    Having a cold drink on hot day with a few friends is nice, but having a hot friend on a cold night after a few drinks - PRICELESS.
 
4.    Breaking News: Condoms don't guarantee safe sex anymore. A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot dead by the woman's husband.
 
5.    Arguing over a girl's bust size is like choosing between Molson, Heineken, Carlsberg & Budweiser. Men may state their preferences, but will grab whatever is available.
 
6.    I haven't verified this on Snopes, but it sounds legit.  A recent study found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.

Subscribe FREE to Daily FYI ...

A Little Girl's Prayers ...

A father put his 3-year-old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which ended by saying,"God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma and good-bye Grandpa."

The father asked, 'Why did you say good-bye Grandpa?'

The little girl said, "I don't know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do."

The next day grandpa died. The father thought it was a strange coincidence.

A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers which went like this, "God bless Mommy, God Bless Daddy and good-bye Grandma."

The next day the grandmother died.

"Holy crap" thought the father, "this kid is in contact with the other side."

Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say, "God bless Mommy and good-bye Daddy."

He practically went into shock.

He couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office.

He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch and watched the clock.

He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay.

He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound.

Finally midnight arrived; he breathed a sigh of relief and went home.

When he got home his wife said, "I've never seen you work so late. What's the matter?"

He said, "I don't want to talk about it, I've just spent the worst day of my life."

She said, "You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what happened to me.

This morning my golf pro dropped dead in the middle of my lesson!"

Subscribe FREE to Daily FYI ...

DID YOU KNOW ....

1. YOUR SHOES ARE THE FIRST THING PEOPLE SUBCONSCIOUSLY NOTICE ABOUT YOU … WEAR NICE SHOES.

2. IF YOU SIT FOR  MORE THAN 11 HOURS A DAY, THERE'S A 50% CHANCE YOU'LL DIE WITHIN THE NEXT 3 YEARS.

3. THERE ARE AT LEAST 6 PEOPLE IN THE WORLD WHO LOOK EXACTLY LIKE YOU. THERE'S A 9% CHANCE THAT YOU'LL MEET ONE OF THEM IN YOUR LIFETIME.

4. SLEEPING WITHOUT A PILLOW REDUCES BACK PAIN AND KEEPS YOUR SPINE STRONGER.

5. A PERSON’S HEIGHT IS DETERMINED BY THEIR FATHER, AND THEIR WEIGHT IS DETERMINED BY THEIR MOTHER.

6. IF A PART OF YOUR BODY "FALLS ASLEEP",YOU CAN ALMOST ALWAYS "WAKE IT UP" BY SHAKING YOUR HEAD.

7. THERE ARE THREE THINGS THE HUMAN BRAIN CANNOT RESIST NOTICING -FOOD, ATTRACTIVE PEOPLE AND DANGER.

8. RIGHT-HANDED PEOPLE TEND TO CHEW FOOD ON THEIR RIGHT SIDE.

9. PUTTING DRY TEA BAGS IN GYM BAGS OR SMELLY SHOES WILL ABSORB THE UNPLEASANT ODOR.

10. ACCORDING TO ALBERT EINSTEIN, IF HONEY BEES WERE TO DISAPPEAR FROM EARTH, HUMANS WOULD BE DEAD WITHIN 4 YEARS.

11. THERE ARE SO MANY KINDS OF APPLES, THAT IF YOU ATE A NEW ONE EVERYDAY, IT WOULD TAKE OVER 20 YEARS TO TRY THEM ALL.

12. YOU CAN SURVIVE WITHOUT EATING FOR WEEKS, BUT YOU WILL ONLY LIVE 11 DAYS WITHOUT SLEEPING.

13. PEOPLE WHO LAUGH A LOT ARE HEALTHIER THAN THOSE WHO DON’T.

14. LAZINESS AND INACTIVITY KILLS JUST AS MANY PEOPLE AS  SMOKING.

15. A HUMAN BRAIN HAS A CAPACITY TO STORE 5 TIMES AS MUCH INFORMATION AS WIKIPEDIA.

16. OUR BRAIN USES THE SAME AMOUNT OF POWER AS A 10-WATT LIGHT BULB!!

17. OUR BODY GIVES ENOUGH HEAT IN 30 MINUTES TO BOIL 1.5 LITERS OF WATER!!

18. THE OVUM EGG IS THE LARGEST CELL AND THE SPERM IS THE SMALLEST CELL!!

19. STOMACH ACID (CONC. HCL) IS STRONG ENOUGH TO DISSOLVE RAZOR  BLADES!!

20. TAKE A 10-30 MINUTE WALK EVERY DAY & WHILE YOU WALK, SMILE. IT IS THE ULTIMATE ANTIDEPRESSANT.

21. SIT IN SILENCE FOR AT LEAST 10 MINUTES EACH DAY.

22. WHEN YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNING, PRAY TO ASK GOD'S GUIDANCE FOR YOUR PURPOSE TODAY.

23. EAT MORE FOODS THAT GROW ON TREES AND PLANTS AND EAT LESS FOOD THAT IS MANUFACTURED IN PLANTS.

24. DRINK GREEN TEA AND PLENTY OF WATER. EAT BLUEBERRIES, BROCCOLI, AND ALMONDS.

25. TRY TO MAKE AT LEAST THREE PEOPLE SMILE EACH DAY.

26. DON'T WASTE YOUR PRECIOUS ENERGY ON GOSSIP, ENERGY VAMPIRES, ISSUES OF THE PAST, NEGATIVE THOUGHTS OR THINGS YOU CANNOT CONTROL. INSTEAD INVEST YOUR ENERGY IN THE POSITIVE PRESENT MOMENT.

27. EAT BREAKFAST LIKE A KING, LUNCH LIKE A PRINCE AND DINNER LIKE A COLLEGE KID WITH A MAXED OUT CHARGE CARD.

28. LIFE ISN'T FAIR, BUT IT'S STILL GOOD.

29. LIFE IS TOO SHORT TO WASTE TIME HATING ANYONE. FORGIVE THEM FOR EVERYTHING!

30. DON'T TAKE YOURSELF SO SERIOUSLY. NO ONE ELSE DOES.

31. YOU DON'T HAVE TO WIN EVERY ARGUMENT. AGREE TO DISAGREE.

32. MAKE PEACE WITH YOUR PAST SO IT WON'T SPOIL THE PRESENT.

33. DON'T COMPARE YOUR LIFE TO OTHERS. YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THEIR JOURNEY IS ALL ABOUT.

34. NO ONE IS IN CHARGE OF YOUR HAPPINESS EXCEPT YOU.

35. FRAME EVERY SO-CALLED DISASTER WITH THESE WORDS: 'IN FIVE YEARS, WILL THIS MATTER?'

36. HELP THE NEEDY! BE GENEROUS! BE A 'GIVER' NOT A 'TAKER'.

37. WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK OF YOU IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.

38. TIME HEALS EVERYTHING.

39. HOWEVER GOOD OR BAD A SITUATION IS, IT WILL CHANGE.

40. YOUR JOB WON'T TAKE CARE OF YOU WHEN YOU ARE SICK. YOUR FRIENDS WILL ... STAY IN TOUCH.

41. ENVY IS A WASTE OF TIME. YOU ALREADY HAVE ALL YOU NEED.

42. EACH NIGHT BEFORE YOU GO TO BED, PRAY TO GOD AND BE THANKFUL FOR WHAT YOU'LL ACCOMPLISH, TODAY !

43. REMEMBER THAT YOU ARE TOO BLESSED TO BE STRESSED.

Great Timeless Truths

In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm and three or more is a government.  John Adams

If you don't read the newspaper you are uninformed, if you do read the newspaper you are misinformed.   Mark Twain

Suppose you were an idiot.  And suppose you were a member of government. But then I repeat myself.   Mark Twain

I contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle..  Winston Churchill

A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.   George Bernard  Shaw

Foreign aid might be defined as a transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries.   Douglas Casey, Classmate of Bill Clinton at Georgetown University

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.     P.J.  O'Rourke,  Civil Libertarian

Government is the great fiction, through which everybody endeavors to live at the expense of everybody  else.   Frederic  Bastiat,  French economist(1801-1850)

I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.   Will  Rogers

If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free!    P.J..  O'Rourke

In general, the art of government consists of taking as much money as possible from one party of the citizens to give to the other.   Voltaire (1764)

Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn't mean politics won't take an interest in you!       Pericles (430  B.C.)

No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session.  Mark Twain   (1866)

Talk is cheap...except when government does it.    Anonymous

The government is like a baby's alimentary canal, with a happy appetite at one end and no responsibility at the other.   Ronald  Reagan

The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin.  Mark Twain

There is no distinctly Native American criminal class...save government.   Mark Twain

What this country needs are more unemployed politicians.   Edward Langley,  Artist (1928-1995)

A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have.    Thomas Jefferson

We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office.  Aesop

Wife's Confession ...

A very elderly couple is having an elegant dinner to celebrate their 75th wedding anniversary.

 

The old man leans forward and says softly to his wife, "Dear, there is something that I must ask you.

 

It has always bothered me that our tenth child never quite looked like the rest of our children.

 

Now I want to assure you that these 75 years have been the most wonderful experience I could have ever hoped for, and your answer cannot take that all that away.

 

But, I must know, did he have a different father?"

 

The wife drops her head, unable to look her husband in the eye, she paused for moment and then confessed. "Yes ... Yes he did."

 

The old man is very shaken, the reality of what his wife was admitting hit him harder than he had expected.

 

With a tear in his eye he asks, "Who? ... Who was he? ... Who was the father?"

 

Again, the old woman drops her head, saying nothing at first as she tried to muster the courage to tell the truth to her husband.  

 

Then, finally, she says: ... "You." 

Jenny Craig FOR MEN

I called the company and ordered their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss. 

 

The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before me a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck. 

 

She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. 

 

The sign reads, 'If you can catch me, you can have me.' 

 

Without a second thought, I took off after her. A few miles later huffing and puffing, I finally gave up.

 

The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens.

 

On the fifth day, I weighed myself and am delighted to find I lost 10 lbs. as promised. 

 

I  called the company and ordered their 5-day/20 pound program. 

 

The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman I have ever seen in my life.

 

She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, 'If you catch me you can have me'.

 

Well, I'm out the door after her like a shot.

 

This girl is in excellent shape and I do my best, but no such luck.

 

So for the next four days, the same routine happens and I'm gradually getting in better and better shape.

 

Much to my delight on the fifth day when I weigh myself, I discover that I have lost another 20 lbs. as promised.

 

So I decide to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/50 pound program.

 

"Are  you sure?" asks the representative on. "This is our most rigorous program."

 

"Absolutely," I reply, "I haven't felt this good in years."

 

The next day there's a knock at the door; and when I open it find a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads ... "If I catch you,... you're mine."

 

I lost 63 pounds that week!

Old Italian Golfer

Silvio, an 80-year-old Italian goes to the doctor for a check-up.

The doctor is amazed at what good shape the guy is in and asks, 'how do you stay in such great physical condition?'

I'm Italian and I am a golfer,' says Silvio, 'and that's why I'm in such good shape. I'm up well before daylight and out golfing up and down the fairways. I have a glass of vino, and all is well.'

"'Well' says the doctor, 'I'm sure that helps, but there's got to be more to it.  How old was your Father when he died?'

'Who said my Father's dead?'

The doctor is amazed. 'You mean you're 80 years old and your Father's still alive. How old is he?'

'He's 100 years old,' says Silvio. 'In fact he golfed with me this morning, and then we went to the topless beach for a walk and had a little vino and that's why he's still alive. He's Italian and he's a golfer, too.'

'Well,' the doctor says, 'that's great, but I'm sure there's more to it than that. How about your Father's Father? How old was he when he died?'

'Who said my Nonno's dead?'

Stunned, the doctor asks, 'you mean you're 80 years old and your grandfather's still living! Incredible, how old is he?'

'He's 118 years old,' says the Old Italian golfer.

The doctor is getting frustrated at this point, 'So, I guess he went golfing with you this morning too?'

'No, Nonno couldn't go this morning because he's getting married today.'

At this point the doctor is close to losing it. 'Getting married? Why would a 118 year- old guy want to get married?'

'Who said he wanted to?"

TEN POINTS TO PONDER!

Number 10

Life is sexually transmitted.

Number 9

Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Number 8

Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

Number 7

Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks, months, maybe years.

Number 6

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospitals, dying of nothing.

Number 5

All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

Number 4

Why does a slight tax increase cost you $800.00, and a substantial tax cut saves you $30.00?

Number 3

In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

Number 2

Life is like a jar of Jalapeno peppers--what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.

 And the Number 1 thought ...

... as someone recently said to me: "Don't worry about old age - it doesn't last that long."

EVER WONDER...

Why do supermarkets make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front?

Why do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke?
Why do banks leave vault doors open and then chain the pens to the counters?

Why do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in our driveways and put our useless junk in the garage?

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why don't you ever see the headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?

Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word?

Why is it that doctors and attorneys call what they do 'practice'?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavoring, and dish washing liquid made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? 

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff??

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal? 

Norveegins ...

OUTHOUSE PROBLEMS
When Ole accidentally lost 50 cents in the outhouse, he immediately threw in his watch and billfold. He explained, 'I'm not going down dere yust for 50 cents.'
-------------------------------------

THAT'S HER!
A Norwegian appeared with five other men in a rape case police line-up. As the victim entered the room, the Norwegian blurted, 'Yep, dat's her!'

--------------------------------

VE COULDN'T AFFORD MORE
Two Norwegians from Minnesota went fishing in Canada and returned with only one fish. 'The way I figger it, dat fish cost us $400' said the first Norwegian.

'Vell,' said the other one, 'At dat price it's a good ting ve didn't catch any more.'

 -------------------------------------

THE RELATIONS
Ole and Lena were getting on in years. Ole was 92 and Lena was 89. One evening they were sitting on the porch in their rockers and Ole reached over and patted Lena on her knee. ' Lena , vat ever happened tew our sex relations?' He asked.

'Vell, Ole, I yust don't know,' replied Lena . 'I don't tink ve even got a card from dem last Christmas.'
-------------------------------------

MUSIC SOLUTION

Ole bought Lena a piano for her birthday. A few weeks later, Lars inquired how she was doing with it.

'Oh,' said Ole, 'I persvaded her to svitch to a clarinet.' 'How come?' asked Lars.

'Vell,' Ole answered, 'because vith a clarinet, she can't sing.
-------------------------------------

THE PRANK CALL
The phone rings in the middle of the night when Ole and Lena are in bed and Ole answers. 'Vell how da hell should I know, dats two tousand miles from here' he says and hangs up.

'Who vas dat?' asks Lena .

'I donno, some fool wanting to know if da coast vas clear.'
-------------------------------

HONEYMOON TRIP

On their honeymoon trip they were nearing Minneapolis when Ole put his hand on Lena 's knee. Giggling, Lena said, 'Ole, you can go farther than that if you vant to.

So Ole drove to Dulute.
-------------------------------

THE PARTY

Ole was arrested one night while walking bare naked down the streets of the little town of Alexandria , Minnesota . The policeman, who was a good friend of Ole's said,'Ole...What in the world are you doing? Where are your clothes? You're naked.'

'Yah, I know,' said Ole. 'You see, I vas over to dat 'playboy' Swen's for his birthday party. Dere vas about ten of us. Der vas boys and girls.'

'Is that right?', his policeman friend asked.

'Yah, Yah, anyvay, dat Swen, he says, 'Everybody get into the bedroom!  'So vee all go into the bedroom....where den he yells, 'Everybody git naked!' 'Vel, vee all got undressed. Den he yells, 'Everybody go to town!'

I guess I'm the first one here!

Cats ....

Source: Email contribution

I've never understood why women love cats. 

Cats are independent ...

They don't listen ...

They don't come in when you call ...

They like to stay out all night ...

... and when they're home they like to be left alone and sleep.

In other words ... 

Every quality that women hate in a man ... they love in a cat.

AIG executives enjoy retreat on US bailout money

White House: AIG execs' retreat `despicable'
Source: Associated Press Internet

WASHINGTON (AP) — The White House said on Wednesday it was "despicable" that American International Group Inc. executives spent hundreds of thousands of dollars on a posh California retreat just days after getting a federal bailout.

Lawmakers investigating the meltdown of AIG said the retreat didn't include anyone from the financial products division that nearly drove the company under, but they were still enraged that executives of AIG's main U.S. life insurance subsidiary spent $440,000 on the retreat, complete with spa treatments, banquets and golf outings.

"It's pretty despicable," White House press secretary Dana Perino said.
AIG sent its executives to the coastal St. Regis resort south of Los Angeles even as the company tapped into an $85 billion loan from the government that it needed to stave off bankruptcy. The resort tab included $23,380 worth of spa treatments for AIG employees, according to invoices the resort turned over to the House Oversight and Government Reform Committee.

"The president did not want to move forward on this rescue package to help anybody in the top positions on Wall Street," Perino said. "He was concerned about everyday people like you and me. ... He didn't do that to help top executives and certainly not to help executives go to a spa."

Subscribe FREE to Daily FYI ...

How this all started ....

How this all started ....
Source: Email contribution

Hard to believe the New York Times actually printed this story. I doubt they would run a reprint today, as it may have a negative impact on Sen. Obama and his chief economic advisor Frank Raines. Perhaps if he gets elected, he should counsel with Steven Holmes instead of Mr. Raines.

Subject: New York Times: 9 years ago...

September 30, 1999

Fannie Mae Eases Credit To Aid Mortgage Lending

By STEVEN A. HOLMES
In a move that could help increase home ownership rates among minorities and low-income consumers, the Fannie Mae Corporation is easing the credit requirements on loans that it will purchase from banks and other lenders.

The action, which will begin as a pilot program involving 24 banks in 15 markets -- including the New York metropolitan region -- will encourage those banks to extend home mortgages to individuals whose credit is generally not good enough to qualify for conventional loans. Fannie Mae officials say they hope to make it a nationwide program by next spring.

Fannie Mae, the nation's biggest underwriter of home mortgages, has been under increasing pressure from the Clinton Administration to expand mortgage loans among low and moderate income people and felt pressure from stock holders to maintain its phenomenal growth in profits.

In addition, banks, thrift institutions and mortgage companies have been pressing Fannie Mae to help them make more loans to so-called subprime borrowers. These borrowers whose incomes, credit ratings and savings are not good enough to qualify for conventional loans, can only get loans from finance companies that charge much higher interest rates -- anywhere from three to four percentage points higher than conventional loans.

''Fannie Mae has expanded home ownership for millions of families in the 1990's by reducing down payment requirements,'' said Franklin D. Raines, Fannie Mae's chairman and chief executive officer. ''Yet there remain too many borrowers whose credit is just a notch below what our underwriting has required who have been relegated to paying significantly higher mortgage rates in the so-called subprime market.''

In moving, even tentatively, into this new area of lending, Fannie Mae is taking on significantly more risk, which may not pose any difficulties during flush economic times. But the government-subsidized corporation may run into trouble in an economic downturn, prompting a government rescue similar to that of the savings and loan industry in the 1980's.

''From the perspective of many people, including me, this is another thrift industry growing up around us,'' said Peter Wallison a resident fellow at the American Enterprise Institute. ''If they fail, the government will have to step up and bail them out the way it stepped up and bailed out the thrift industry.''

Fannie Mae, the nation's biggest underwriter of home mortgages, does not lend money directly to consumers. Instead, it purchases loans that banks make on what is called the secondary market. By expanding the type of loans that it will buy, Fannie Mae is hoping to spur banks to make more loans to people with less-than-stellar credit ratings.

In July, the Department of Housing and Urban Development proposed that by the year 2001, 50 percent of Fannie Mae's and Freddie Mac's portfolio be made up of loans to low and moderate-income borrowers.

Subscribe FREE to Daily FYI ...

AIG continues misuse of bailout funds.

AIG continues misuse of bailout funds.
Source: Internet

American International Group agreed Thursday to help the New York State attorney general’s office recover tens of millions of dollars in improper expenditures, including compensation given to two former top executives.

A.I.G. also agreed to cancel a $10 million severance package for its former chief financial officer, Steven J. Bensinger. He was replaced on Thursday by the giant insurance company’s comptroller, David L. Herzog.

The agreement came a day after Attorney General Andrew M. Cuomo assailed A.I.G. for making “unwarranted and outrageous expenditures” that he said violated New York law and that he called particularly “irresponsible and damaging” in light of the federal government’s $123 billion rescue of the company.

Mr. Cuomo criticized in particular the multimillion-dollar payments to Martin Sullivan, A.I.G.’s former chief executive, and Joseph J. Cassano, who ran the unit blamed for the losses that pushed the company to the brink of collapse. A.I.G. agreed Thursday to help recover that money.

Mr. Cuomo met Thursday with A.I.G.’s new chief executive, Edward M. Liddy, and the agreement was announced jointly by them.

Under the terms of the agreement, A.I.G. will provide the attorney general’s office with an accounting of all compensation paid to its senior executives. A.I.G. also agreed agreed to cancel all junkets and benefits that are not justified by legitimate business needs. AIG will immediately cancel more than 160 conferences and events, some exceeding more than $750,000 per event, for a total savings of more than $8 million.

Still, ABC News reported Thursday evening that A.I.G. was still paying hundreds of thousands of dollars for a luxury suite at Madison Square Garden, the home of the New York Knicks and Rangers. An A.I.G. spokesman told ABCNews.com that the contract for the suite was signed in February and that it had been used by its brokers and clients, although that is expected to stop.

Mr. Cuomo, in a letter to A.I.G.’s board on Wednesday, assailed the company for allowing executives to take golf and hunting trips after the government extended an initial $85 billion line of credit to the company. A handful of A.I.G. officials flew to England on a private jet for a partridge hunt that reportedly cost about $90,000. The use of the plane cost about $17,000, according to a person familiar with Mr. Cuomo’s investigation.

On Thursday, the company also agreed to establish tighter management controls on future expenses to prevent any future unwarranted spending on salaries, bonuses, stock options, severance payments, gratuities, benefits, junkets and perks.

Mr. Cuomo noted in his letter that Mr. Sullivan and Mr. Cassano were paid millions of dollars even as A.I.G.’s losses were mounting.

“The board awarded its chief executive officer a cash bonus of over $5 million and a golden parachute worth $15 million,” Mr. Cuomo wrote. “Similarly, in February 2008, a top-ranking executive who was largely responsible for A.I.G.’s collapse was terminated, but still permitted by the board to keep $34 million in bonuses. This same individual apparently continued to receive $1 million a month from the company until recently.”

Subscribe FREE to Daily FYI ...