And God Looked Down...

And God Looked Down ... 

Most seniors never get enough exercise. 
In His wisdom God decreed that seniors become forgetful so they would have to search for their glasses, keys and other things thus doing more walking ... And God looked down and saw that it was good.

Then God saw there was another need. 
In His wisdom He made seniors lose coordination so they would drop things requiring them to bend, reach & stretch ...  And God looked down and saw that it was good. 

Then God considered the function of bladders and decided seniors would have additional calls of nature requiring more trips to the bathroom, thus providing more exercise ... God looked down and saw that it was good.

So if you find as you age, you are getting up and down more, remember it's Gods will. It is all in your best interest even though you mutter under your breath.

Nine Important Facts To Remember As We Grow Older: 

#9- Death is the number one killer in the world. 

#8- Life is sexually transmitted. 

#7- Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die. 

#6- Men have 2 motivations:  Hunger and hanky panky ... and they can't tell them apart. If you see a gleam in his eyes, make him a sandwich.

#5- Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks, months, maybe years.

#4- Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital, dying of nothing.

#3- All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

#2- In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird, and people take Prozac to make it normal.

#1- Life is like a jar of jalapeno peppers. What you do today might burn your ass tomorrow.

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"The difference between genius and stupidity is that  genius has its limits. "Albert Einstein" 


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DID YOU KNOW ....

1. YOUR SHOES ARE THE FIRST THING PEOPLE SUBCONSCIOUSLY NOTICE ABOUT YOU … WEAR NICE SHOES.

2. IF YOU SIT FOR  MORE THAN 11 HOURS A DAY, THERE'S A 50% CHANCE YOU'LL DIE WITHIN THE NEXT 3 YEARS.

3. THERE ARE AT LEAST 6 PEOPLE IN THE WORLD WHO LOOK EXACTLY LIKE YOU. THERE'S A 9% CHANCE THAT YOU'LL MEET ONE OF THEM IN YOUR LIFETIME.

4. SLEEPING WITHOUT A PILLOW REDUCES BACK PAIN AND KEEPS YOUR SPINE STRONGER.

5. A PERSON’S HEIGHT IS DETERMINED BY THEIR FATHER, AND THEIR WEIGHT IS DETERMINED BY THEIR MOTHER.

6. IF A PART OF YOUR BODY "FALLS ASLEEP",YOU CAN ALMOST ALWAYS "WAKE IT UP" BY SHAKING YOUR HEAD.

7. THERE ARE THREE THINGS THE HUMAN BRAIN CANNOT RESIST NOTICING -FOOD, ATTRACTIVE PEOPLE AND DANGER.

8. RIGHT-HANDED PEOPLE TEND TO CHEW FOOD ON THEIR RIGHT SIDE.

9. PUTTING DRY TEA BAGS IN GYM BAGS OR SMELLY SHOES WILL ABSORB THE UNPLEASANT ODOR.

10. ACCORDING TO ALBERT EINSTEIN, IF HONEY BEES WERE TO DISAPPEAR FROM EARTH, HUMANS WOULD BE DEAD WITHIN 4 YEARS.

11. THERE ARE SO MANY KINDS OF APPLES, THAT IF YOU ATE A NEW ONE EVERYDAY, IT WOULD TAKE OVER 20 YEARS TO TRY THEM ALL.

12. YOU CAN SURVIVE WITHOUT EATING FOR WEEKS, BUT YOU WILL ONLY LIVE 11 DAYS WITHOUT SLEEPING.

13. PEOPLE WHO LAUGH A LOT ARE HEALTHIER THAN THOSE WHO DON’T.

14. LAZINESS AND INACTIVITY KILLS JUST AS MANY PEOPLE AS  SMOKING.

15. A HUMAN BRAIN HAS A CAPACITY TO STORE 5 TIMES AS MUCH INFORMATION AS WIKIPEDIA.

16. OUR BRAIN USES THE SAME AMOUNT OF POWER AS A 10-WATT LIGHT BULB!!

17. OUR BODY GIVES ENOUGH HEAT IN 30 MINUTES TO BOIL 1.5 LITERS OF WATER!!

18. THE OVUM EGG IS THE LARGEST CELL AND THE SPERM IS THE SMALLEST CELL!!

19. STOMACH ACID (CONC. HCL) IS STRONG ENOUGH TO DISSOLVE RAZOR  BLADES!!

20. TAKE A 10-30 MINUTE WALK EVERY DAY & WHILE YOU WALK, SMILE. IT IS THE ULTIMATE ANTIDEPRESSANT.

21. SIT IN SILENCE FOR AT LEAST 10 MINUTES EACH DAY.

22. WHEN YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNING, PRAY TO ASK GOD'S GUIDANCE FOR YOUR PURPOSE TODAY.

23. EAT MORE FOODS THAT GROW ON TREES AND PLANTS AND EAT LESS FOOD THAT IS MANUFACTURED IN PLANTS.

24. DRINK GREEN TEA AND PLENTY OF WATER. EAT BLUEBERRIES, BROCCOLI, AND ALMONDS.

25. TRY TO MAKE AT LEAST THREE PEOPLE SMILE EACH DAY.

26. DON'T WASTE YOUR PRECIOUS ENERGY ON GOSSIP, ENERGY VAMPIRES, ISSUES OF THE PAST, NEGATIVE THOUGHTS OR THINGS YOU CANNOT CONTROL. INSTEAD INVEST YOUR ENERGY IN THE POSITIVE PRESENT MOMENT.

27. EAT BREAKFAST LIKE A KING, LUNCH LIKE A PRINCE AND DINNER LIKE A COLLEGE KID WITH A MAXED OUT CHARGE CARD.

28. LIFE ISN'T FAIR, BUT IT'S STILL GOOD.

29. LIFE IS TOO SHORT TO WASTE TIME HATING ANYONE. FORGIVE THEM FOR EVERYTHING!

30. DON'T TAKE YOURSELF SO SERIOUSLY. NO ONE ELSE DOES.

31. YOU DON'T HAVE TO WIN EVERY ARGUMENT. AGREE TO DISAGREE.

32. MAKE PEACE WITH YOUR PAST SO IT WON'T SPOIL THE PRESENT.

33. DON'T COMPARE YOUR LIFE TO OTHERS. YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THEIR JOURNEY IS ALL ABOUT.

34. NO ONE IS IN CHARGE OF YOUR HAPPINESS EXCEPT YOU.

35. FRAME EVERY SO-CALLED DISASTER WITH THESE WORDS: 'IN FIVE YEARS, WILL THIS MATTER?'

36. HELP THE NEEDY! BE GENEROUS! BE A 'GIVER' NOT A 'TAKER'.

37. WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK OF YOU IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.

38. TIME HEALS EVERYTHING.

39. HOWEVER GOOD OR BAD A SITUATION IS, IT WILL CHANGE.

40. YOUR JOB WON'T TAKE CARE OF YOU WHEN YOU ARE SICK. YOUR FRIENDS WILL ... STAY IN TOUCH.

41. ENVY IS A WASTE OF TIME. YOU ALREADY HAVE ALL YOU NEED.

42. EACH NIGHT BEFORE YOU GO TO BED, PRAY TO GOD AND BE THANKFUL FOR WHAT YOU'LL ACCOMPLISH, TODAY !

43. REMEMBER THAT YOU ARE TOO BLESSED TO BE STRESSED.

Jenny Craig FOR MEN

I called the company and ordered their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss. 

 

The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before me a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck. 

 

She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. 

 

The sign reads, 'If you can catch me, you can have me.' 

 

Without a second thought, I took off after her. A few miles later huffing and puffing, I finally gave up.

 

The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens.

 

On the fifth day, I weighed myself and am delighted to find I lost 10 lbs. as promised. 

 

I  called the company and ordered their 5-day/20 pound program. 

 

The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman I have ever seen in my life.

 

She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, 'If you catch me you can have me'.

 

Well, I'm out the door after her like a shot.

 

This girl is in excellent shape and I do my best, but no such luck.

 

So for the next four days, the same routine happens and I'm gradually getting in better and better shape.

 

Much to my delight on the fifth day when I weigh myself, I discover that I have lost another 20 lbs. as promised.

 

So I decide to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/50 pound program.

 

"Are  you sure?" asks the representative on. "This is our most rigorous program."

 

"Absolutely," I reply, "I haven't felt this good in years."

 

The next day there's a knock at the door; and when I open it find a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads ... "If I catch you,... you're mine."

 

I lost 63 pounds that week!