The following has been attributed to Lewis Napper, a Jackson,
Mississippi computer programmer.
He didn't expect his essay -- a tart 10-point list of "rights"
Americans don't have -- to become an Internet legend.
'We the sensible people of the United States, in an attempt to help
everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid more riots, keep
our nation safe, promote positive behavior, and secure the blessings of
debt-free liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great-grandchildren,
hereby try one more time to ordain and establish some common sense guidelines
for the terminally whiny, guilt ridden, delusional.
We hold these truths to be self evident: that a whole lot of people
are confused by the Bill of Rights and are so dim they require a Bill of
NON-Rights.'
ARTICLE I:
You do not have the right to a new car, big screen TV, or any other
form of wealth. More power to you if you can legally acquire them, but no one is
guaranteeing anything.
ARTICLE II:
You do not have the right to never be offended. This country is based
on freedom, and that means freedom for everyone -- not just you! You may leave
the room, turn the channel, express a different opinion, etc.; but the world is
full of dummies, and probably always will be. So live with it!!
ARTICLE III:
You do not have the right to be free from harm. If you stick a
screwdriver in your eye, learn to be more careful. Do not expect the tool
manufacturer to make you and all your relatives independently wealthy.
ARTICLE IV:
You do not have the right to free food and housing. Americans are the
most charitable people to be found, and will gladly help anyone in need, but we
are quickly growing weary of subsidizing generation after generation of
professional couch potatoes who achieve nothing more than the creation of another
generation of professional couch potatoes. You have them, YOU support them !!
ARTICLE V:
You do not have the right to free health care. That would be nice,
but from the looks of public housing, we're just not interested in public health
care. If you wish to abuse yourself with drugs and drink that's your right.
However the rest of us are not going to take care of you any longer when it is
killing your sorry ass !!
ARTICLE VI:
You do not have the right to physically harm other people. If you
kidnap, rape, intentionally maim, or kill someone, don't be surprised if the
rest of us want to see you get the blue juice. As they say in Texas, "If you
kill someone in Texas, partner we will just kill you right back!"
ARTICLE VII:
You do not have the right to the possessions of others. If you rob,
cheat, or coerce away the goods or services of other citizens, don't be
surprised if the rest of us get together and lock you away in a very small cell
where you still won't have the right to a big screen color TV or a life of
leisure.
ARTICLE VIII:
You do not have the right to a job. All of us sure want you to have a
job, and will gladly help you along in hard times, but we expect you to take
advantage of the opportunities of education and vocational training laid before
you to make yourself useful. If you decide not to, well citizen,
STARVE!
ARTICLE IX:
You do not have the right to happiness. Being an American means that
you have the right to PURSUE happiness, which by the way, is a lot easier if you
are unencumbered by an over abundance of idiotic laws created by those of you
who were too stupid to understand the Bill of Rights.
ARTICLE X:
This is an English speaking country. We don't care where you came
from, English is our language. Learn it! Or go back to that crap hole of a
country you came from!
And lastly ....
ARTICLE XI:
You do not have the right to change our country's history or heritage.
This country was founded on the belief in one true God. And yet, you are given
the freedom to believe in any religion, any faith, or no faith at all, with no
fear of persecution. The phrase 'IN GOD WE TRUST' is part of our heritage and
history, if you are uncomfortable with it. Tough shit!!
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