Quiz for Bright People

This is a quiz for people who know everything!

I found out in a hurry that I didn't. These are not trick questions.

There are only nine questions. They are straight questions with straight answers.

1. Name the one sport in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends.

2. What famous North American landmark is constantly moving backward? 

3. Of all vegetables, only two can live to produce on their own for several growing seasons. All other vegetables must be replanted every year.  What are the only two perennial vegetables?

4. What fruit has its seeds on the outside?

5. In many liquor stores, you can buy pear brandy, with a real pear inside the bottle. The pear is whole and ripe, and the bottle is genuine; it hasn't been cut in any way. How did the pear get inside the bottle?

6. Only three words in standard English begin with the letters ' dw' and they are all common words. Name two of them.

7. There are 14 punctuation marks in English grammar. Can you name at least half of them?

8. Name the only vegetable or fruit that is never sold frozen, canned, processed, cooked, or in any other form except fresh.

9. Name 6 or more things that you can wear on your feet beginning with the letter 'S.'

 _____________________________________________________ 

Answers To Quiz:

1. The one sport in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends:   Boxing.

2. North American landmark constantly moving backward:   Niagara Falls .   The rim is worn down about two and a half feet each year because of the millions of gallons of water that rush over it every minute.

3. Only two vegetables that can live to produce on their own for several growing seasons: Asparagus and rhubarb.

4. The fruit with its seeds on the outside:   Strawberry.

5. How did the pear get inside the brandy bottle?   It grew inside the bottle.   The bottles are placed over pear buds when they are small, and are wired in place on the tree. The bottle is left in place for the entire growing season. When the pears are ripe, they are snipped off at the stems.

6. Three English words beginning with dw:   Dwarf, dwell and dwindle...

7. Fourteen punctuation marks in English grammar:   Period, comma, colon, semicolon, dash, hyphen, apostrophe, question mark, exclamation point, quotation mark, brackets, parenthesis, braces, and ellipses. 

8. The only vegetable or fruit never sold frozen, canned, processed, cooked, or in any other form but fresh:   Lettuce.

9. Six or more things you can wear on your feet beginning with 'S':   Shoes, socks, sandals, sneakers, slippers, skis, skates, snowshoes, stockings, stilts. 

EMBARRASSING MEDICAL EXAMS

1. A man comes into the ER and yells . . .'My wife's going to have her baby in the cab.' I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs - - - and I was in the wrong one.

 

Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Francisco

 

2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. 'Big breaths,’ I instructed. 'Yes, they used to be,’ Replied the patient.

 

Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA

 

3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a 'massive internal fart.'

 

Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg

 

4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications. Which one? I asked. The patch, he replied ... The Nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it! I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.

 

Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA

 

5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, 'How long have you been bedridden?' After a look of complete confusion she answered,' Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was alive.'

 

Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR

 

6. I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while checking up on a man I asked . . . So how's your breakfast this morning? Bob replied .... It's very good except for the Kentucky Jelly, I can't seem to get used to the tast. I then asked to see the jelly and Bob produced a foil packet labeled 'KY Jelly.'

 

Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit

 

7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green and above it there was a Tattoo that read . . .' Keep off the grass.' Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, Which said, 'Sorry . . . Had to mow the lawn.'

 

Submitted by RN no name

 

8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB, I was quite embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams. To cover my embarrassment I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing, further embarrassing me. I looked up from my work and sheepishly said . . .. ' I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?' She replied with tears running down her cheeks from laughing so hard . . .. ' No doctor but the song you were whistling was ... ' I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener.'

 

Dr. Wouldn't submit his name....

 

9. A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam. The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed. 'Breast-fed,' she replied. 'Well, strip down to your waist,' the doctor ordered. She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a very professional and detailed examination. Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said, No wonder this baby is underweight, you don't have any milk.'I know,' she said, 'I'm his Grandma, but I'm  glad I came.

 

No Name submitted

Understanding Unemployment

Believe it  or not, this   gives you one of the best explanations of the current unemployment in the USA.

 

Stick with it for a few lines and it becomes clearer!!!

===================================

 

 

COSTELLO: I  want to talk about the unemployment rate in America .
 
ABBOTT: Good Subject.  Terrible Times. It's 7.8%.
 
COSTELLO:  That many people are out of work?
 
ABBOTT: No,  that's 14.7%. 
 
COSTELLO: You just said 7.8%.
 
ABBOTT:  7.8% Unemployed.
 
COSTELLO:  Right 7.8% out of work. 
 
ABBOTT: No, that's 14.7%.
 
COSTELLO:  Okay, so it's 14.7% unemployed.
 
ABBOTT: No, that's 7.8%. 
 
COSTELLO:  WAIT A MINUTE.  Is it 7.8% or 14.7%? 
 
ABBOTT: 7.8%  are unemployed. 14.7% are out of work. 
 
COSTELLO: If  you are out of work you are unemployed. 
 
ABBOTT: No,  Congress said you can't count the "Out of  Work" as the unemployed.  You have to look for work to be unemployed.
 
COSTELLO: BUT THEY ARE OUT OF WORK!!! 
 
ABBOTT: No, you miss his point.
 
COSTELLO:   What point?
 
ABBOTT:  Someone who doesn't look for work can't be counted with those who look for work. It wouldn't be fair. 
 
COSTELLO: To whom?
 
ABBOTT: The unemployed. 
 
COSTELLO: But ALL of them are out of work. 
 
ABBOTT: No, the unemployed are actively looking for work. Those who are out of work gave up looking and if you give up, you are no longer in the ranks of the unemployed. 
 
COSTELLO: So if you're off the unemployment roles that would count as less unemployment?
 
ABBOTT:  Unemployment would go down. Absolutely!
 
COSTELLO: The unemployment  just goes down because you don't look for work?
 
ABBOTT:   Absolutely it goes down. That's how it gets to 7.8%. Otherwise it would be 14.7%.

COSTELLO:  Wait, I got a question for you. That means there are two ways to bring down the unemployment number? 

ABBOTT: Two ways is correct.

COSTELLO:   Unemployment can go down if someone gets a job?

ABBOTT:   Correct.

COSTELLO: And unemployment can also go down if  you stop looking for a job?

ABBOTT:  Bingo. 

COSTELLO: So there are two ways to bring unemployment down, and the easier of the two is to have people stop looking for  work.

ABBOTT: Now you're thinking like an Economist. 

COSTELLO: I  don't even know what the hell I just said! 

ABBOTT: Now you're thinking like a Politician.