NEW PREAMBLE TO THE CONSTITUTION

NEW PREAMBLE TO THE CONSTITUTION
Source: Email Constitution

The following has been attributed to State Representative Mitchell Kaye from GA. This guy should run for President one day...

'We the sensible people of the United States, in an attempt to help everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid more riots, keep our nation safe, promote positive behavior, and secure the blessings of debt-free liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great-grandchildren, hereby try one more time to ordain and establish some common sense guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt ridden, delusional, and other liberal bed-wetters. We hold these truths to be self evident: that a whole lot of people are confused by the Bill of Rights and are so dim they require a Bill of NON-Rights.'

ARTICLE I: You do not have the right to a new car, big screen TV, or any other form of wealth. More power to you if you can legally acquire them, but no one is guaranteeing anything.

ARTICLE II: You do not have the right to never be offended. This country is based on freedom, and that means freedom for everyone -- not just you! You may leave the room, turn the channel, express a different opinion, etc.; but the world is full of idiots, and probably always will be.

ARTICLE III: You do not have the right to be free from harm. If you stick a screwdriver in your eye, learn to be more careful; do not expect the tool manufacturer to make you and all your relatives
independently wealthy.

ARTICLE IV: You do not have the right to free food and housing. Americans are the most charitable people to be found, and will gladly help anyone in need, but we are
quickly growing weary of subsidizing generation after generation of professional couch potatoes who achieve nothing more than the creation of another generation of professional couch potatoes.

ARTICLE V: You do not have the right to free health care. That would be nice, but from the looks of public housing, we're just not interested in public health care.

ARTICLE VI: You do not have the right to physically harm other people. If you kidnap, rape, intentionally maim, or kill someone, don't be surprised if the rest of us want to see you fry in the electric chair.

ARTICLE VII: You do not have the right to the possessions of others. If you rob, cheat, or coerce away the goods or services of other citizens, don't be surprised if the rest of us get together and lock you away in a place where you still won't have the right to a big screen color TV or a life of leisure.

ARTICLE VIII: You do not have the right to a job. All of us sure want you to have a job, and will gladly help you along in hard times, but we expect you to take advantage of the opportunities of education and vocational training laid before you to make yourself useful. (AMEN!)

ARTICLE IX: You do not have the right to happiness. Being an American means that you have the right to PURSUE happiness, which by the way, is a lot easier if you are unencumbered by an over abundance of idiotic laws created by those of you who were confused by the Bill of Rights.

ARTICLE X: This is an English speaking country. We don't care where you are from, English is our language. Learn it or go back to wherever you came from! (Lastly....)

ARTICLE XI: You do not have the right to change our country's history or heritage. This country was founded on the belief in one true God. And yet, you are given the freedom to believe in any religion, any faith, or no faith at all; with no fear of persecution The phrase IN GOD WE TRUST is part of our heritage and history, and if you are uncomfortable with it, TOUGH!

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Auto Industry - A bridge to survival

Auto Industry - A bridge to survival
Source: Email contribution

LETTER TO THE EDITOR (or anyone else who will listen)
Auto Industry - A bridge to survival

$40,000,000,000 to AIG, $20 billion to Citibank and billions more to other Wall street giants. They loaned money to, or insured debt of, people or companies that had no realistic chance to pay it back. Now that's bad business and extreme mismanagement. Add insult to injury the government forks over billions and these executives go off on a multimillion dollar retreat in the California sunshine.

Those same congressmen and senators and even the public are ok with that (evidence: we keep giving them more) yet they blast the American auto industry for poor management and are apparently willing to flush GM, Ford, and Chrysler with their morning constitutional.

I only wish they would deal with the issue from a basis of fact, not outdate perceptions, emotions, hyperbole, rhetoric and media and congressional politi-speak.

They ask, "Why can't you build vehicles people want and why can't you build a quality vehicle?" Well, if you haven't driven a GM product built in this century then you don't have a clue as to the quality, from drivability to fuel efficiency (the Pontiac G5 gets up to 44 miles per gallon and costs less than $15,000) to interior, to fit and finish to price.

Before some greedy speculators sent the price of oil to the moon and gas prices to over $4.00 a gallon GM was building what you wanted. To charge that they didn't adjust fast enough--NOT FAIR. Go drive the back lot of the Toyota store on Arapahoe road that is sitting with over 500 new full size Tundra pick-ups. No manufacturer was able to adapt to the unwarranted, practically overnight gouging of $4.00 plus gas prices. Before that GM, Chrysler, and Ford products represented over 50% of the vehicles purchased in the United States and a much larger percentage of the worldwide market. Not bad for vehicles nobody wants.

We lambaste the American auto industry for mismanagement while we praise anything made by foreign companies. How about toys, and dog food, and mouth wash from China...Thanks, I'll go American.
After 9-11 Chrysler, Ford and GM each contributed $10 million and by the way their employees did as well, $60 million dollars to support the victims of that heinous attack. What did Honda, Toyota, Nissan and virtually all the other import car companies, who reap billions from the U.S. economy, contribute? Not one red cent. Hey imports thanks for nothing.

Let's talk facts versus fiction for just a moment. Not approving the bridge loan the auto makers are asking for would be devastating.

Nearly 3 million jobs would be lost in just the first year alone, another 2.5 million jobs gone over the next 2 years.
Personal income in the United States would drop more than150.7 billion in the first year, another $100 billion over the next two.

The cost to local, state and federal governments would be over $155 billion in three years in lost taxes, unemployment and health care assistance.

Domestic automobile production would grind to a nearly complete halt, even by international producers, due to supplier bankruptcies.

The credit crisis that is affecting all of us is wounding the U.S. auto industry in many ways. Car makers can't get loans to restructure and produce new technology vehicles. Suppliers and dealers can't get loans for routine business and customers can't get loans to buy new cars. Banks have been given billions yet they refuse to loan the money, instead opting to either buy other banks or so just simply hoard the cash.

When the initial $700 billion bailout was announced the public was outraged and said "don't pass it." So Congress didn't pass it....a week later and a market that lost billions including many Americans 401k's and retirement funds, had those same john Q publics screaming for law makers to pass it and pass it now. It got a 2nd chance and was passed. If Congress rejects the bridge loan to the auto makers there may not be a 2nd chance, just a tsunami of economic disaster.

I urge everyone to support the loans as well as a one-time 1% tax credit for the purchase of a new vehicle and a tax write-off for interest and sales tax.

Finally, just a few more facts.
9.3 million people worldwide bought GM vehicles last year. That's more vehicles than any other automaker in the world sold. And in the U.S., which is the world's largest market, GM sold more vehicles than any other manufacturer in 2007, and it has sold more than any other manufacturer to date in 2008.

In 2008 Chevy Malibu was named North American car of the year and Cadillac CTS was Motor Trend’s 2008 car of the year. In 2007, the Saturn Aura and Chevy Silverado won North American car and truck of the year. Those awards are given and judged by automotive journalists.

Customers responded just as enthusiastically as the critics. Although total U.S. vehicle sales are down almost 15% so far this year, a number of GM vehicles enjoyed significant sales increases:

Malibu +39%
Pontiac Vibe +36%
Pontiac G6 +4%
Cadillac CTS +15%
Aura +7%
GMC Acadia +2%
Buick Enclave +88%.

From plants to parks, from dealerships to driveways, from gas stations to grocery stores, what happens in the automotive industry affects each and every one of us. In fact, the collapse of the industry wouldn't just impact the nearly 355,000 Americans directly employed by the Big Three. One out of every 10 people in America is employed in a service that is related to the U.S. auto industry. If a plant closes, so does it suppliers, the local stores, the hot dog vendor and the local restaurants.

GM has cut its payroll drastically, by 45.8% in the U.S. alone since 2000. In fact GM is far from the largest employer in the industry. With 252,000 employees worldwide, GM ranks fifth overall behind, VW, Toyota, Renault/Nissan and Daimler. Yet GM sold more vehicles worldwide last year than any other automaker.
Don't penalize a company that pays its union employees twice what non union shops pay...a company that provides health care and pensions to its employees and retirees. Don't reward manufacturers that build their products here but take the profits back to their home countries, while paying their employees far less and providing much less for them in the way of healthcare and retirement. Don't say you support the workers and the middle class and then buy an import, because you saved a couple of hundred dollars.

GM, Chrysler and Ford have supported America for nearly 100 years. They truly are the backbone of U.S. manufacturing.

I'm proud to be an American and I'm proud to be a GM dealer. I have great faith that we will survive this extremely difficult time and be stronger for it.

Mike Malin

Vice President and Owner
Grand Pontiac Buick GMC

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DEPARTMENT OF ENERGY

DEPARTMENT OF ENERGY
Source: Email contribution

Does anybody out there have any memory of the reason given for the establishment of the DEPARTMENT OF ENERGY during the Carter Administration?

Anybody? Anything? No? Didn't think so.

Bottom line. . We’ve spent several hundred billion dollars in support of an agency the reason for which not one person who reads this can remember.

Ready? It was very simple, and at the time everybody thought it very appropriate.

The Department of Energy was instituted 8-04-1977 ....

...... TO LESSEN OUR DEPENDENCE ON FOREIGN OIL.

HEY, PRETTY EFFICIENT, HUH?

AND NOW IT'S 2008, 31 YEARS LATER, AND THE BUDGET FOR THIS NECESSARY DEPARTMENT IS AT $24.2 BILLION A YEAR.

THEY HAVE 16,000 FEDERAL EMPLOYEES, AND APPROXIMATELY 100,000 CONTRACT EMPLOYEES.

LOOK AT THE JOB THEY HAVE DONE!

THIS IS WHERE YOU SLAP YOUR FOREHEAD AND SAY 'WHAT WAS I THINKING?'

.... and now we are going to turn the troubled banking system over to them?

God Help us !

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Back in School

Back in School
Source: Email contribution

Back in September of 2005, on the first day of school, Martha Cothren, a social studies school teacher at Robinson High School in Little Rock, did something not to be forgotten.

On the first day of school, with the permission of the school superintendent, the principal and the building supervisor, she removed all of the desks out of her classroom.

When the first period kids entered the room they discovered that there were no desks.

Looking around, confused, they asked, 'Ms. Cothren, where're our desks?' She replied, 'You can't have a desk until you tell me what you have done to earn the right to sit at a desk.'

They thought, 'Well, maybe it's our grades.'

'No,' she said. 'Maybe it's our behavior.' She told them, 'No, it's not even your behavior.'

And so, they came and went, the first period, second period, third period, still no desks in the classroom.

By early afternoon television news crews had started gathering in Ms. Cothren's classroom to report about this crazy teacher who had taken all the desks out of her room.

The final period of the day came and as the puzzled students found seats on the floor of the deskless classroom, Martha Cothren said, 'Throughout the day no one has been able to tell me just what he/she has done to earn the right to sit at the desks that are ordinarily found in this classroom.

Now I am going to tell you.' At this point, Martha Cothren went over to the door of her classroom and opened it.

Twenty-seven (27) U.S. Veterans, all in uniforms, walked into that classroom, each one carrying a school desk.

The Vets began placing the school desks in rows, and then they would walk over and stand alongside the wall.

By the time the last Soldier had set the final desk in place those kids started to understand, perhaps for the first time in their lives, just how the right to sit at those desks had been earned.

Martha said, 'You didn't earn the right to sit at these desks.

These heroes did it for you. They placed the desks here for you.

Now, it's up to you to sit in them. It is your responsibility to learn, to be good students, to be good citizens.

They paid the price so that you could have the freedom to get an education.

Don't ever forget it.' This is a true story.... If you can read this - thank a teacher!

If you can read it in English - thank a soldier!

If you can understand the message - Thank God!

A veteran - whether active duty, retired, national guard or reserve - is someone who, at one point in their life, signed a blank check made payable to their country for an amount of 'up to and including my life.'

That is Honor, and there are way too many people in this country who no longer understand it.

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UNUSUAL ONLINE NAMES

UNUSUAL ONLINE NAMES
Source: Email contribution


Now be careful you all. Don't fall out of your chairs over these...LOL!! All of these are legitimate companies that didn't spend quite enough time to consider how their online name might appear! These are not made up. Check them out yourself!


'Who Represents' is where you can find the name of the agent that represents any celebrity. Their Web site is: www.whorepresents.com


'Experts Exchange' is a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views at: www.expertsexchange.com


Looking for a great pen? Look no further than 'Pen Island'. It can be found at: www.penisland.net


Need a therapist? Try 'Therapist Finder' at: www.therapistfinder.com


Then there's the 'Italian Power Generator' company. Check it out at: www.powergenitalia.com


'IP computer' software, there's always: www.ip_anywhere.com


And the designers at 'Speed of Art' await you at their wacky Web site: www.speedofart.com



Have a fun day! Just be careful what you name YOUR new web site!!!

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2008 Summer Olympics Quotes

2008 Summer Olympics Quotes
Source: Email contribution

Here are the top nine comments made by NBC sports commentators so far during the Summer Olympics that they would like to take back:

1. Weightlifting commentator: 'This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing.

2. Dressage commentator: 'This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her mother.

3. Paul Hamm, Gymnast: 'I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father.

4. Boxing Analyst: 'Sure there have been injuries, and even some deaths in boxing, but none of them really that serious.

5. Softball announcer: 'If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again.

6. Basketball analyst: 'He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces.

7. At the rowing medal ceremony: 'Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the IOC president is hugging the cox of the British crew.

8. Soccer commentator: 'Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field.

9. Tennis commentator: 'One of the reasons Andy is playing so well is that, before the final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them... Oh my God, what have I just said.

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Signs To Make You Smile!

Signs To Make You Smile!
Source: Email contribution


Sign over a Gynecologist's Office:

'Dr. Jones, at your cervix.'

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In a Podiatrist's office:

Time Wounds All Heels.

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On a Septic Tank Truck:

Yesterday's Meals--on Wheels

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At a Proctologist's door:

To expedite your visit, please back in.

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On a Plumber's truck:

We Repair What Your Husband Fixed

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On another Plumber's truck:

Don't sleep with a drip; Call your plumber!

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On a Church's Billboard:

7 days without God makes one weak.

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At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee:

Invite us to your next blowout.

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At a Towing company:

We don't charge an arm and a leg: We want tows.

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On an Electrician's truck:

Let Us Remove Your Shorts

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In a Nonsmoking Area:

If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.

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On a Maternity Room door:

Push. Push. Push!

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At an Optometrist's Office:

If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place.

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On a Taxidermist's window:

We really know our stuff.

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On a Fence:

Salesmen Welcome! Dog Food Is Expensive!

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At a Car Dealership:

The best way to get back on your feet: miss a car payment.

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Outside a Muffler Shop:

No appointment necessary; We hear you coming.

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In a Veterinarian's waiting room:

Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!

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At the Electric Company

We will be de-lighted if you send in your payment.

However, if you don't, you will be.

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In a Restaurant window:

Don't stand there and be hungry; come on in

and get fed up.

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In the front yard of a Funeral Home:

Drive carefully! We'll wait...

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At a Propane Filling Station:

Thank heaven for little grills.

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And don't forget the sign at a

CHICAGO RADIATOR SHOP:

Best place in town to take a leak

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Sign on the back of another Septic Tank Truck:

CAUTION - This Truck is Full of Political Promises


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Food warning: Deadly Virus

Food warning: Deadly Virus
Source: Email Contribution

A stock clerk was sent to clean up a storeroom in Maui , Hawaii . When he got back, he was complaining that the storeroom was really filthy and that he had noticed dried mouse/rat droppings in some areas.

A couple of days later, he started to feel like he was coming down with a stomach flu, complained of sore joints & headaches, and began to vomit.

He went to bed and never really got up again. Within two days he was severely ill and weak. His blood sugar count was down to 66, and his face and eyeballs were yellow. He was rushed to the emergency at Pali-Momi, w here he was diagnosed to be suffering from massive organ failure. He died shortly before midnight .

No one would have made the connection between his job and his death, had it not been for a doctor who specifically asked if he had been in a warehouse or exposed to dried rat/mouse droppings at any time. They said there is a virus (much like the Hanta virus) that lives in dried rat and mouse droppings.

Once dried, these droppings are like dust and can easily be breathed in or ingested if a person does not wear protective gear or fails to wash face and hands thoroughly.

An autopsy was performed on the clerk to verify the doctor's suspicions.

This is why it is extremely important to ALWAYS carefully rinse off the tops of canned sodas or foods, and to wipe off pasta packaging, cereal boxes, and so on.

Almost everything you buy in a supermarket was stored in a warehouse at one time or another, and stores themselves often have rodents.

Most of us remember to wash vegetables and fruits but never think of boxes and cans.

The ugly truth is, even the most modern, upper-class, super store has rats and mice. And their warehouse most assuredly does!

Whenever you buy any canned soft drink, please make sure that you wash the top with running water and soap or, if that is not available, drink with a straw.

The investigation of soda cans by the Center for Disease Control in Atlanta discovered that the tops of soda cans can be encrusted with dried rat's urine, which is so toxic it can be lethal. Canned drinks and other foodstuffs are stored in warehouses and containers that are usually infested with rodents, and then they get transported to retail outlets without being properly cleaned.

Please warn the people you care about and send them a link to this page.

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BEAR WARNING

BEAR WARNING:
Source: Email contribution

Due to the frequency of human-bear encounters, the Fish and Wildlife Agency is advising hikers, hunters, fishermen and any persons that use the out of doors in a recreational or work related function to take extra precautions while in the field.

We advise the outdoorsman to wear little noisy bells on clothing so as to give advance warning to any bears that might be close by so you don’t take them by surprise.

We also advise anyone using the out-of-doors to carry “Pepper Spray” with him in case of an encounter with a bear.

Outdoorsmen should also be on the watch for fresh bear activity, and be able to tell the difference between black bear feces and grizzly bear feces.

Black bear feces is smaller and contains lots of berries and squirrel fur. Grizzly bear shit has bells in it and smells like pepper.

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THREE NICKELS

THREE NICKELS
Source: Email contribution

A father walks into a restaurant with his young son. He gives the young boy 3 nickels to play with to keep him occupied.

Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face. The father realizes the boy has swallowed the nickels and starts slapping him on the back.

The boy coughs up 2 of the nickels, but keeps choking.

Looking at his son, the father is panicking, shouting for help.

A well dressed, attractive, and serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a coffee bar reading a newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee.

At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, neatly folds the newspaper and places it on the counter, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.

Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants; takes hold of the boy's testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly.

After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last nickel, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.

Releasing the boy's testicles, the woman hands the nickel to the father and walks back to her seat in the coffee bar without saying a word.

As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, 'I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic.

Are you a doctor?

'No,' the woman replied. 'Divorce attorney.'

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State Constitutions ... and God!

State Constitutions ... and God!
Source: Email contribution

Alabama 1901, Preamble We the people of the State of Alabama, invoking the favor and guidance of Almighty God, do ordain and establish the following Constitution.

Alaska 1956, Preamble We, the people of Alaska, grateful to God and to those who founded our nation and pioneered this great land.

Arizona 1911, Preamble We, the people of the State of Arizona, grateful to Almighty God for our liberties, do ordain this Constitution ...

Arkansas 1874, Preamble We, the people of the State of Arkansas, grateful to Almighty God for the privilege of choosing our own form of government ...

California 1879, Preamble We, the People of the State of California, grateful to Almighty God for our freedom ...

Colorado 1876, Preamble We, the people of Colorado, with profound reverence for the Supreme Ruler of Universe ...

Connecticut 1818, Preamble. The People of Connecticut, acknowledging with gratitude the good Providence of God in permitting them to enjoy.

Delaware 1897, Preamble Through Divine Goodness all men have, by nature, the rights of worshipping and serving their Creator according to the dictates of their consciences.

Florida 1885, Preamble We, the people of the State of Florida, grateful to Almighty God for our constitutional liberty, establish this Constitution ...

Georgia 1777, Preamble We, the people of Georgia, relying upon protection and guidance of Almighty God, do ordain and establish this Constitution...

Hawaii 1959, Preamble We, the people of Hawaii, Grateful for Divine Guidance ... Establish this Constitution.

Idaho 1889, Preamble We, the people of the State of Idaho, grateful to Almighty God for our freedom, to secure its blessings.

Illinois 1870, Preamble We, the people of the State of Illinois, grateful to Almighty God for the civil, political and religious liberty which He hath so long permitted us to enjoy and looking to Him for a blessing on our endeavors.

Indiana 1851, Preamble We, the People of the State of Indiana, grateful to Almighty God for the free exercise of the right to choose our form of government.
Iowa 1857, Preamble We, the People of the State of Iowa, grateful to the Supreme Being for the blessings hitherto enjoyed, and feeling our dependence on Him for a continuation of these blessings, establish this Constitution.

Kansas 1859, Preamble We, the people of Kansas, grateful to Almighty God for our civil and religious privileges establish this Constitution.

Kentucky 1891, Preamble. We, the people of the Commonwealth are grateful to Almighty God for the civil, political and religious liberties ...

Louisiana 1921, Preamble We, the people of the State of Louisiana, grateful to Almighty God for the civil, political and religious liberties we enjoy.

Maine 1820, Preamble We the People of Maine acknowledging with grateful hearts the goodness of the Sovereign Ruler of the Universe in affording us an opportunity .. And imploring His aid and direction.

Maryland 1776, Preamble We, the people of the state of Maryland, grateful to Almighty God for our civil and religious liberty ...

Massachusetts 1780, Preamble We ... the people of Massachusetts, acknowledging with grateful hearts, the goodness of the Great Legislator of the Universe In the course of His Providence, an opportunity and devoutly imploring His direction

Michigan 1908, Preamble Le. We, the people of the State of Michigan, grateful to Almighty God for the blessings of freedom establish this Constitution.

Minnesota, 1857, Preamble We, the people of the State of Minnesota, grateful to God for our civil and religious liberty, and desiring to perpetuate its blessings:

Mississippi 1890, Preamble We, the people of Mississippi in convention assembled, grateful to Al mighty God, and invoking His blessing on our work.

Missouri 1845, Preamble We, the people of Missouri, with profound reverence for the Supreme Ruler of the Universe, and grateful for His goodness. Establish this Constitution ...

Montana 1889, Preamble. We, the people of Montana, grateful to Almighty God for the blessings of liberty establish this Constitution

Nebraska 1875, Preamble We, the people, grateful to Almighty God for our freedom. Establish this Constitution.

Nevada 1864, Preamble We the people of the State of Nevada, grateful to Almighty God for our freedom, establish this Constitution ...

New Hampshire 1792, Part I. Art. I. Sec. V Every individual has a natural and unalienable right to worship God according to the dictates of his own conscience.

New Jersey 1844, Preamble We, the people of the State of New Jersey, grateful to Almighty God for civil and religious liberty which He hath so long permitted us to enjoy, and looking to Him for a blessing on our endeavors.

New Mexico 1911, Preamble We, the People of New Mexico, grateful to Almighty God for the blessings of liberty.

New York 1846, Preamble We, the people of the State of New York, grateful to Almighty God for our freedom, in order to secure its blessings.

North Carolina 1868, Preamble We the people of the State of North Carolina, grateful to Almighty God, the Sovereign Ruler of Nations, for our civil, political, and religious liberties, and acknowledging our dependence upon Him for the continuance of those ...

North Dakota 1889, Preamble We, the people of North Dakota , grateful to Almighty God for the blessings of civil and religious liberty, do ordain ...

Ohio 1852, Preamble We the people of the state of Ohio, grateful to Almighty God for our freedom, to secure its blessings and to promote our common ...

Oklahoma 1907, Preamble Invoking the guidance of Almighty God, in order to secure and perpetuate the blessings of liberty, establish this

Oregon 1857, Bill of Rights, Article I Section 2. All men shall be secure in the Natural right, to worship Almighty God according to the dictates of their consciences

Pennsylvania 1776, Preamble We, the people of Pennsylvania, grateful to Almighty God for the blessings of civil and religious liberty, and humbly invoking His guidance ...

Rhode Island 1842, Preamble. We the People of the State of Rhode Island grateful to Almighty God for the civil and religious liberty which He hath so long permitted us to enjoy, and looking to Him for a blessing ...

South Carolina, 1778, Preamble We, the people of he State of South Carolina grateful to God for our liberties, do ordain and establish this Constitution.

South Dakota 1889, Preamble We, the people of South Dakota, grateful to Almighty God for our civil and religious liberties

Tennessee 1796, Art. XI.III. That all men have a natural and indefeasible right to worship Almighty God according to the dictates of their conscience ...

Texas 1845, Preamble We the People of the Republic of Texas, acknowledging, with gratitude, the grace and beneficence of God.

Utah 1896, Preamble Grateful to Almighty God for life and liberty, we establish this Constitution.

Vermont 1777, Preamble Whereas all government ought to enable the individuals who compose it to enjoy their natural rights, and other blessings which the Author of Existence has bestowed on man

Virginia 1776, Bill of Rights, XVI Religion, or the Duty which we owe our Creator can be directed only by Reason and that it is the mutual duty of all to practice Christian Forbearance, Love and Charity towards each other

Washington 1889, Preamble We the People of the State of Washington, grateful to the Supreme Ruler of the Universe for our liberties, do ordain this Constitution

West Virginia 1872, Preamble Since through Divine Providence we enjoy the blessings of civil, political and religious liberty, we, the people of West Virginia reaffirm our faith in and constant reliance upon God ...

Wisconsin 1848, Preamble We, the people of Wisconsin, grateful to Almighty God for our freedom, domestic tranquility ...

Wyoming 1890, Preamble We, the people of the State of Wyoming, grateful to God for our civil, political, and religious liberties, establish this Constitution.

After reviewing acknowledgments of God from all 50 state constitutions, one is faced with the prospect that maybe the ACLU and the out-of-control federal courts are wrong!

If you found this to be 'Food for Thought', send to as many as you think will be enlightened, as I hope you were.

(Please note that at no time is anyone told that they MUST worship God.)

'Those people who will not be governed by God will be ruled by tyrants.' - William Penn.

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A few questions, please answer if you can, as I am at a loss..

A few questions, please answer if you can, as I am at a loss..

Hello all- Just a few questions I would love answered, as I feel we are about to commit the worst atrocity ever on our great nation..-

1. Why is the media mum on the report by Israeli intelligence, and code experts, that Obama's birth certificate is a forgery. Belief is he was born in either Kenya , or Canada , (Even Snopes has not discounted this report), as it would make him ineligible to run?

2. Obama and Michelle have never given their kids Xmas or Birthday presents, ever, why do Americans actually think he reflects our American values? (This was on a 20-20 interview, and also backed up by Snopes).

3. Why, before he became a rock star, was it written in "The Week", and on his own website, (now removed), that he was raised for the first 17 years of his life in a Muslim run household? (I subscribe, and will send the article to anyone who wants it), NOT a bad rumor, either, but now you see no mention of it anywhere...

4. Why has so little been said of his admitted drug use as a youngster, yet, for 4 years he, and others have harped on the alcohol use of Bush, yet no one says anything of this?

5. Why has the media completely let him off the hook for Wright, and the terrorist connections he had?

6. Why did the media following Obama on his magical mystery tour, never mention that the crowds in Germany , were NOT all there for Obama.. Actually there was a huge, FREE, rock concert at the Statue right before his appearance, and the audience was possibly there for the free music?

Perhaps it's because Obama is the biggest hoax ever perpetrated on the American people... You decide..

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The Jihad Candidate

The Jihad Candidate
By Rich Carroll

Conspiracy theories make for interesting novels when the story line is not so absurd that it can grasp our attention. 'The Manchurian Candidate' and 'Seven Days in May' are examples of plausible chains of events that captures the reader's imagination at best-seller level. 'What if' has always been the solid grist of fiction.

Get yourself something cool to drink, find a relaxing position, but before you continue, visualize the television photos of two jet airliners smashing into the Twin Towers in lower Manhattan and remind yourself this cowardly act of Muslim terror was planned for eight years.

How long did it take Islam and their oil money to find a candidate for President of the United States? As long as it took them to place a Senator from Illinois and Minnesota? The same amount of time to created a large Muslim enclave in Detroit? The time it took them to build over 2,000 mosques in America? The same amount of time required to place radical wahabbist clerics in our military and prisons as 'chaplains'?

Find a candidate who can get away with lying about their father being a 'freedom fighter' when he was actually part of the most corrupt and violent government in Kenya's history. Find a candidate with close ties to The Nation of Islam and the violent Muslim overthrow in Africa, a candidate who is educated among white infidel Americans but hides his bitterness and anger behind a superficial toothy smile. Find a candidate who changes his American name of Barry to the Muslim name of Barak Hussein Obama, and dares anyone to question his true ties under the banner of 'racism.' Nurture this candidate in an atmosphere of anti-white American teaching and surround him with Islamic teachers. Provide him with a bitter, racist, anti-white, anti-American wife, and supply him with Muslim middle east connections and Islamic monies. Allow him to be clever enough to get away with his anti-white rhetoric and proclaim he will give $834 billion taxpayer dollars to the Muslim controlled United Nations for use in Africa.

Install your candidate in an atmosphere of deception because questioning him on any issue involving Africa or Islam would be seen as 'bigoted racism;' two words too powerful to allow the citizenry to be informed of facts. Allow your candidate to employ several black racist Nation of Islam Louis Farrakhan followers as members of his Illinois Senatorial and campaign staffs.

Where is the bloodhound American 'free press' who doggedly overturned every stone in the Watergate case? Where are our nation's reporters that have placed every Presidential candidate under the microscope of detailed scrutiny; the same press who pursue Bush's 'Skull and Bones' club or ran other candidates off with persistent detective and research work? Why haven't 'newsmen' pursued the 65 blatant lies told by this candidate during the Presidential primaries? Where are the stories about this candidate's cousin and the Muslim butchery in Africa? Since when did our national press corps become weak, timid, and silent? Why haven't they regaled us with the long list of socialists and communists who have surrounded this 'out of nowhere' Democrat candidate or that his church re-printed the Hamas Manifesto in their bulletin, and that his 'close pastor friend and mentor' met with Middle East terrorist Moammar Gaddafi, (Guide of the First of September Great Revolution of the Socialist People's Libyan Arab Jamahiriya)? Why isn't the American press telling us this candidate is supported by every Muslim organization in the world?

As an ultimate slap in the face, be blatant in the fact your candidate has ZERO interest in traditional American values and has the most liberal voting record in U. S. Senate history. Why has the American main stream media clammed-up on any negative reporting on Barak Hussein Obama? Why will they print Hillary Rodham Clinton's name but never write his middle name? Is it not his name? Why, suddenly, is ANY information about this candidate not coming from main stream media, but from the blogosphere by citizens seeking facts and the truth? Why isn't our media connecting the dots with Islam? Why do they focus on 'those bad American soldiers' while Islam slaughters non Muslims daily in 44 countries around the globe? Why does our media refer to Darfur as 'ethnic cleansing' instead of what it really is; Muslims killing non Muslims! There is enough strange, anti-American activity surrounding Barak Hussein Obama to peek the curiosity of any reporter. WHERE IS OUR INVESTIGATIVE MEDIA!?

A formal plan for targeting America was devised three years after the Iranian revolution in 1982. The plan was ummarized in a 1991 memorandum by Mohamed Akram, an operative of the global Muslim Brotherhood. 'The process of settlement' of Muslims in America, Akram explained, 'is a civilization jihad process.' This means that members of the Brotherhood must understand that their work in 'America is a kind of grand jihad in eliminating and destroying the Western civilization from within and sabotaging its miserable house by their hands and the hands of the believers so that it is eliminated and God's religion is made victorious over all other religions.'

There is terrorism we can see, smell and fear, but there is a new kind of terror invading the United States in the form of Sharia law and finance. Condoning it is civilization suicide. Middle East Muslims are coming to America in record numbers and building hate infidel mosques, buying our corporations, suing us for our traditions, but they and the whole subject of Islam is white noise leaving uninformed Americans about who and what is really peaceful. Where is our investigative press? Any criticism of Islam or their intentions, even though Islamic leaders state their intentions daily around the globe, brings-forth a volley of 'racist' from the left-wing Democrat crowd.

Lies and deception behind a master plan - the ingredients for 'The Manchurian Candidate' or the placement of an anti-American President in our nation's White House? Is it mere coincidence that an anti-capitalist run for President at the same time Islamic sharia finance and law is trying to make advancing strides into the United States? Is it mere coincidence this same candidate wants to disarm our nuclear capability at a time when terrorist Muslim nations are expanding their nuclear weapons capability? Is it mere coincidence this candidate wants to reduce our military at a time of global jihad from Muslim nations?

Change for America? What change? To become another 'nation of Islam'?

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Simple Perspective ...

THIS PUTS THINGS INTO PERSPECTIVE.........SHORT AND SWEET!!!!!!!!!

John McCain....Congress= 26 years.... Military= 22 years
Barrack Obama..Congress= 143 days.... Military= 0


From the time Barack Obama was sworn in as a United State Senator, to the time he announced he was forming a Presidential exploratory committee, he logged 143 days of experience in the Senate. That's how many days the Senate was actually in session and working.

After 143 days of work experience, Obama believed he was ready to be Commander In Chief, Leader of the Free World, and fill the shoes of Abraham Lincoln, FDR, JFK and Ronald Reagan.

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6 Gas-saving Myths

6 Gas-saving Myths
Source: NEW YORK (CNNMoney.com)

With gasoline prices hitting record levels, it seems everyone has a tip on how to save fuel. Much of the advice is well intentioned, but in the end, much of it won't lower your gas bill.
Here's a look at a few misconceptions:

#1. Fill your tank in the morning
You may have heard that it's best to fill your gas tank in the early morning while the fuel is cold. The theory goes that fluids are more dense at lower temperatures, so a gallon of cold gas actually has more gas molecules than a gallon of warmer gas. But the temperature of the gasoline as it comes out of the nozzle varies little during the course of the day, according to Consumer Reports, so there's little, if any, benefit, to getting up early to pump gas.

#2. Change your air filter
Maintaining your car is important, but a clean air filter isn't going to save you any gas. Modern engines have computer sensors that automatically adjust the fuel-air mixture as an increasingly clogged air filter chokes off the engine's air supply. While engine power will decrease slightly as the air filter becomes clogged, a lack of performance or an increase in fuel consumption will be negligible, Consumer Reports says.

#3. Use premium fuel
With prices already over $4.00 a gallon, premium gasoline is a hard sell these days. But a lot of drivers think because their owners' manual recommends premium, they'll get better fuel economy with it. Really, they may be paying more money for nothing. Newer cars for which premium is "recommended" - but not "required" - won't suffer with regular fuel. Modern engine technology comes to the rescue again. When sensors detect regular instead of premium fuel, the system automatically adjusts spark plug timing. The result is a slight reduction in peak horsepower - really, you'll never notice - but little or no reduction in fuel economy. Always check your owner's manual before putting anything into your car. And if your car runs badly on regular, by all means, go back to the pricey stuff. (See editor's note at bottom)

#4. Pump up your tires
Proper tire inflation is important for a number of reasons. Under-inflated tires are bad for handling and can even cause a crash. Improper tire inflation also causes tires to wear out faster and to heat up more, which could trigger a dangerous high-speed blow-out. According to on-the-road driving tests by both Consumer Reports and auto information site Edmunds.com, under inflated tires reduce fuel economy, so proper inflation is key. But you should never over-inflate your tires. They'll get you slightly better fuel economy because there will be less tread touching the road, reducing friction. But that means less grip for braking and turning. The added risk of a crash isn't worth the extra mile a gallon you might gain.

#5. To A/C or not A/C
There's no question air-conditioning makes extra work for the engine, increasing fuel use. But car air conditioners are much more efficient today than they used to be. In around-town driving, using the A/C will drop fuel economy by about a mile a gallon. Meanwhile, driving at higher speeds with the windows down greatly increases aerodynamic drag. As speed increases, drag becomes more of an issue, making A/C use the more efficient choice at high speeds. At most speeds and in most vehicles, A/C use drains slightly more fuel than driving with the windows down, contends David Champion, head of auto testing for Consumer Reports. "My final take on is that it's very close," says Phil Reed, consumer advice editor for Edmunds.com. "It's hard to measure the difference and every vehicle is different." The best choice - if temperature and humidity allow - is to keep the windows rolled up and to turn the A/C compressor off. You can keep the fans running to blow in air from the outside, but your car will be as aerodynamic as possible while still letting you breathe. You will save gas, but the fuel
economy improvement will be slight.

#6. Bolt-ons and pour-ins
Before you buy a device that's supposed to make your car more fuel efficient or pour in an allegedly gas-saving additive, ask yourself this: Don't you think oil and car companies aren't doing everything they can to beat their competitors? If BP (BP) could add something to its gasoline that made cars go farther on a gallon, cars would be lining up at the company's pumps. Sure, people would burn their fuel-saving BP gas more slowly, but then they'd drive right past rivals' gas stations to come back to BP for more. BP stations could even charge more for their gas and still sell tons of the stuff. So if there really was an additive that made gas burn up more slowly, it wouldn't be sold over the Internet one bottle at a time. Likewise, car companies are already spending big bucks to increase fuel mileage. If General Motors could make its cars go significantly farther on a gallon simply by putting a device into the fuel line, don't think for a second it wouldn't be doing that. GM's car sales would go through the roof. "There are a number of these gas-saving devices that are generally useless," says Champion. But drivers who try them will swear they work. In reality, it's probably an automotive placebo effect, says Reed. Buy one of these devices or additives, and you're like to pay extreme attention to your fuel economy and how you drive.

Of course it can't hurt to keep a close eye on your driving habits -- and what kind of car you drive. In the end, that can make the most difference in saving gas.

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Ostriches anyone?

Ostriches anyone?
Source: Email contribution

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him.

The waitress asks for their orders.

The man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?"

"I'll have the same," says the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order.

"That will be $9.40 please," she says and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, "A hamburger, fries, and a coke."

The ostrich says, "I'll have the same."

Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This becomes routine until the two enter again later in the week.

"The usual?" asks the waitress.

"No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato, and salad," says the man.

"Same," says the ostrich.

Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, "That will be $32.62."

Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.

The waitress can't hold back her curiosity any longer. "Excuse me, sir.

How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?"

"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp.

When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes.

My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there."

"That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!"

"That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man.

The waitress asks, "But, sir, what's with the ostrich?"

The man sighs, pauses, and answers, "My second wish was for a tall chick with a big ass and long legs who agrees with everything I say."

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JOINING A CHURCH

JOINING A CHURCH
Source: Email contribution

A newlywed couple wanted to join a church. The pastor told them, "We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from sex for an entire month."

The couple agreed, but returned after only three weeks.

When the pastor ushered them into his office, the wife was crying, and the husband was obviously very depressed.

You're back so soon...is there a problem?" the pastor inquired.

"We're terribly ashamed to admit that we didn't manage to abstain from sex for the required month." the young man replied sadly.

The pastor asked him what happened.

"Well, the first week was difficult. However, we managed to abstain through sheer willpower.

The second week was terrible, but with the use of prayer, we managed to abstain.

However, the third week was unbearable. We tried cold showers, prayer, reading from the Bible....anything to keep our minds off carnal thoughts.

One afternoon, my wife reached for a can of paint and dropped it.

"When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with lust and had my way with her right then and there,” admitted the man, shamefacedly.

"You understand this means you will not be welcome in our church," said the pastor.

"We know," said the young man, hanging his head. "We're not welcome at Home Depot either."

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2008 Idiot Awards

2008 Idiot Awards
Source: Email contribution


Number One Idiot of 2008

I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants. I told her that she better bring her daughter into the emergency room right away.


Number Two Idiot of 2008

Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home. Shortly after they took it for a float on the river, they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them. It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon that activated when the raft was inflated. They are no longer employed at Boeing.


Number Three Idiot of 2008

A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the Branch and wrote this, 'Put all your money in this bag.' While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller's window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to the Wells Fargo Bank. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, 'OK' and left. He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.


Number Four Idiot of 2008

A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that; measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40. Several days later, he received a letter from the police that contained another picture, this time of handcuffs. He immediately mailed in his $40.


Number Five Idiot of 2008

A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all of the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said, 'Because I don't believe you are over 21.' The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because she didn't believe him. At this point, the robber took his driver's license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and she put the Scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that she got off the license. They arrested the robber two hours later.


Idiot Number Six of 2008

A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers. The first one shouted, 'Nobody move!' When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.


Idiot Number Seven of 2008

Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back knocking him unconscious. It seems the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass. The whole event was caught on videotape.


Idiot Number Eight of 2008

I live in a semi-rural area. (Weyauwega, Wisconsin) We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: 'Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! - I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore. Can you move it?'

Please note that all of the above people are allowed to vote.
STAY ALERT! They walk among us . . . and they REPRODUCE!!

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I can't afford to have this man in office - can you?

I can't afford to have this man in office - can you?
Source: Email contribution

This seems to be correct; Nothing about it on SNOPES.. Reply if you find anything out of line.

Some of you are Dem's, some are Republicans and a few Independents.....doesn't matter the party.

Think about your pocketbook in looking at McCain vs Obama on tax agenda.

INTERESTING DATA JUST RECEIVED ON TAXES

Spread the word.....

This is something you should be aware of so you don't get blind-sided.

This is really going to catch a lot of families off guard.

It should make you worry.

Proposed changes in taxes after 2008 General election:

CAPITAL GAINS TAX
McCAIN - 0% on home sales up to $500,000 per home (couples) McCain does not propose any change in existing home sales income tax.
OBAMA - 28% on profit from ALL home sales

How does this affect you?
If you sell your home and make a profit, you will pay 28% of your gain on taxes.

If you are heading toward retirement and would like to down-size your home or move into a retirement community, 28% of the money you make from your

home will go to taxes. This proposal will adversely affect the elderly who are counting on the income from their homes as part of their retirement income.

DIVIDEND TAX
McCAIN - 15% (no change)
OBAMA - 39.6%

How will this affect you?
If you have any money invested in stock market, IRA, mutual funds, college funds, life insurance, retirement accounts, or anything that pays or reinvests

dividends, you will now be paying nearly 40% of the money earned on taxes if Obama become president. The experts predict that 'higher tax rates on

dividends and capital gains would crash the stock market yet do absolutely nothing to cut the deficit.

INCOME TAX

McCAIN - (no changes)
Single making 30K - tax $4,500
Single making 50K - tax $12,500
Single making 75K - tax $18,750
Married making 60K- tax $9,000
Married making 75K - tax $18,750
Married making 125K - tax $31,250

OBAMA - (reversion to pre-Bush tax cuts)
Single making 30K - tax $8,400
Single making 50K - tax $14,000
Single making 75K - tax $23,250
Married making 60K - tax $16,800
Married making 75K - tax $21,000
Married making 125K - tax $38,750
Under Obama your taxes will more than double!

How does this affect you? No explanation needed. This is pretty straight forward.

INHERITANCE TAX
McCAIN - 0% (No change, Bush repealed this tax)
OBAMA - Restore the inheritance tax

How does this affect you?
Many families have lost businesses, farms and ranches, and homes that have been in their families for generations because they could not afford the

inheritance tax. Those willing their assets to loved ones will not only lose them to these taxes.

NEW TAXES BEING PROPOSED BY OBAMA
* New government taxes proposed on homes that are more than 2400 square feet
* New gasoline taxes (as if gas weren't high enough already)
* New taxes on natural resources consumption (heating gas, water, electricity)
* New taxes on retirement accounts
and last but not least.... * New taxes to pay for socialized medicine so we can receive the same level of medical care as other third-world countries!!!

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MEXICAN HURRICANE

MEXICAN HURRICANE
Source: Email contribution

A CATEGORY 5 HURRICANE hits Mexico.

Two million Mexicans die and over a million are injured.

The country is totally ruined and the government doesn't know where to start and is asking for help to rebuild.

The rest of the world is in shock.

Canada is sending troopers to help the Mexican army control the riots.

Saudi Arabia is sending oil.

Other Latin American countries are sending supplies.

The European community (except France ) is sending food and money.

The United States, not to be outdone, is sending two million Mexicans to replace the dead ones.

God bless America !!!!

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Women over 40.

Women over 40.
Source: Email contribution

In case you missed it on 60 Minutes, this is what Andy Rooney thinks about women over forty.

60 Minutes Correspondent Andy Rooney (CBS)

As I grow in age, I value women over 40 most of all.

Here are just a few reasons why:

A woman over 40 will never wake you in the middle of the night and ask, 'What are you thinking?' She doesn't care what you think.

If a woman over 40 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it.

She does something she wants to do, and it's usually more interesting.

Women over 40 are dignified.

They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant.

Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you if they think they can get away with it.

Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated.

Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 40.

Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 40 is far sexier than her younger counterpart.

Older women are forthright and honest.

They'll tell you right off if you are a jerk if you are acting like one.

You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her.

Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons.

Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed, hot woman over 40,there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year old waitress. Ladies, I apologize.

For all those men who say, 'Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?', here's an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage.

Why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage!

Andy Rooney is a really smart guy!

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545 PEOPLE

545 PEOPLE by Charlie Reese
Source: Email contribution

Politicians are the only people in the world who create problems and then campaign against them.

Have you ever wondered why, if both the Democrats and the Republicans are against deficits, WHY do we have deficits?

Have you ever wondered why, if all the politicians are against inflation and high taxes, WHY do we have inflation and high taxes?

You and I don't propose a federal budget. The president does.

You and I don't have the Constitutional authority to vote on appropriations. The House of Representatives does.

You and I don't write the tax code, Congress does.

You and I don't set fiscal policy, Congress does.

You and I don't control monetary policy, the Federal Reserve Bank does.

One hundred senators, 435 congressmen, one president, and nine Supreme Court justices - 545 human beings out of the 300 million are directly, legally, morally, and individually responsible for the domestic problems that plague this country.

I excluded the members of the Federal Reserve Board because that problem was created by the Congress. In 1913, Congress delegated its Constitutional duty to provide a sound currency to a federally chartered, but private, central bank.

I excluded all the special interests and lobbyists for a sound reason. They have no legal authority. They have no ability to coerce a senator, a congressman, or a president to do one cotton-picking thing. I don't care if they offer a politician $1 million dollars in cash. The politician has the power to accept or reject it. No matter what the lobbyist promises, it is the legislator's responsibility to determine how he votes.

Those 545 human beings spend much of their energy convincing you that what they did is not their fault. They cooperate in this common con regardless of party. What separates a politician from a normal human being is an excessive amount of gall. No normal human being would have the gall of a Speaker, who stood up and criticized the President for creating deficits. The president can only propose a budget. He cannot force the Congress to accept it.

The Constitution, which is the supreme law of the land, gives sole responsibility to the House of Representatives for originating and approving appropriations and taxes. Who is the speaker of the House? She is the leader of the majority party. She and fellow House members, not the president, can approve any budget they want. If the president vetoes it, they can pass it over his veto if they agree to.

It seems inconceivable to me that a nation of 300 million can not replace 545 people who stand convicted -- by present facts -- of incompetence and irresponsibility. I can't think of a single domestic problem that is not traceable directly to those 545 people. When you fully grasp the plain truth that 545 people exercise the power of the federal government, then it must follow that what exists is what they want to exist.

If the tax code is unfair, it's because they want it unfair.

If the budget is in the red, it's because they want it in the red.

If the Army & Marines are in IRAQ, it's because they want them in IRAQ.

If they do not receive social security but are on an elite retirement plan not available to the people, it's because they want it that way.

There are no insoluble government problems.

Do not let these 545 people shift the blame to bureaucrats, whom they hire and whose jobs they can abolish; to lobbyists, whose gifts and advice they can reject; to regulators, to whom they give the power to regulate and from whom they can take this power. Above all, do not let them con you into the belief that there exists disembodied mystical forces like 'the economy,' 'inflation,' or 'politics' that prevent them from doing what they take an oath to do.

Those 545 people, and they alone, are responsible. They, and they alone, have the power.

They, and they alone, should be held accountable by the people who are their bosses provided the voters have the gumption to manage their own employees.

We should vote all of them out of office and clean up their mess!

Charlie Reese is a former columnist of the Orlando Sentinel Newspaper.


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22 WAYS TO BE A GOOD Liberal

22 WAYS TO BE A GOOD Liberal
Source: Email contribution


1. You have to be against capital punishment, but support abortion on demand.

2. You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.

3. You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than U.S. nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Chinese and North Korean communists.

4. You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding.

5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by documented cyclical changes in the earth's climate and more affected by soccer moms driving SUV's.

6. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial but being homosexual is natural.

7. You have to believe that the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding.

8. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach fourth graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.

9. You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but loony activists who have never been outside of San Francisco do.

10. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.

11. You have to believe that Mel Gibson spent $25 million of his own money to make "The Passion of the Christ" for financial gain only.

12. You have to believe the NRA is bad because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.

13. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.

14. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, Thomas Edison, and A.G. Bell.

15. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides are not.

16. You have to believe that Hillary Clinton is normal and is a very nice person.

17. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried is because the right people haven't been in charge.

18. You have to believe conservatives telling the truth belong in jail, but a liar and a sex offender belonged in the White House.

19. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag, transvestites, nudity and bestiality should be constitutionally protected, and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.

20. You have to believe that illegal Democrat Party funding by the Chinese Government is somehow in the best interest to the United States.

21. You have to believe that this message is a part of a vast, right wing conspiracy.

22. You have to believe that it's okay to give Federal workers the day off on Christmas Day but it's not okay to say "Merry Christmas."

Ready to vote?

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Bozo the Clown dies at 83.

Bozo the Clown dies at 83. Source: Email contribution

Larry Harmon, July 3: The man who appeared as Bozo the Clown for decades and turned the character into a thriving business poses, shown above next to a man dressed as Bozo, dies at 83.
His publicist, Jerry Digney, told The Associated Press he died at his home.

Although not the original Bozo, Harmon portrayed the popular frizzy-haired clown in countless appearances and, as an entrepreneur, he licensed the character to others, particularly dozens of TV stations around the country. The stations in turn hired actors to be their local Bozos.

"You might say, in a way, I was cloning BTC (Bozo the Clown) before anybody else out there got around to cloning DNA," Harmon told the AP in a 1996 interview.

"Bozo is a combination of the wonderful wisdom of the adult and the childlike ways in all of us," Harmon said.

Pinto Colvig, who also provided the voice for Walt Disney's Goofy, originated Bozo the Clown when Capitol Records introduced a series of children's records in 1946. Harmon would later meet his alter ego while answering a casting call to make personal appearances as a clown to promote the records.

He got that job and eventually bought the rights to Bozo. Along the way, he embellished Bozo's distinctive look: the orange-tufted hair, the bulbous nose, the outlandish red, white and blue costume.

"I felt if I could plant my size 83AAA shoes on this planet, (people) would never be able to forget those footprints," he said.

The business - combining animation, licensing of the character, and personal appearances - made millions, as Harmon trained more than 200 Bozos over the years to represent him in local markets.

"I'm looking for that sparkle in the eyes, that emotion, feeling, directness, warmth. That is so important," he said of his criteria for becoming a Bozo.


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The Italian Lover

The Italian Lover
Source: Email contribution

A virile middle aged Italian gentlemen named Guido was relaxing at his favorite bar in Rome, when he managed to attract a spectacular young blond woman.

Things progressed to the point where he led her back to his apartment and, after some small talk, they retired to his bedroom where he rattled her senseless.

After a pleasant interlude, he asked with a smile, "So, you finish?"

She paused for a second, frowned, and replied, "No."

Surprised, Guido reached for her and the rattling resumed. This time she thrashed about wildly and there were screams of passion.

The sex finally ended and, again, Guido smiled and asked, "You finish?"

Again, after a short pause, she returned his smile, cuddled closer to him and softly said, "No."

Stunned, but damned if he was going to leave this woman unsatisfied, Guido reached for the woman yet again.

Using the last of his strength, he barely managed it, but they ended together screaming, bucking, clawing and ripping the bed sheets.

Exhausted, Guido fell onto his back, gasping. Barely able to turn his head, he looked into her eyes, smiled proudly and asked again, "You finish?"

Barely able to speak, the beautiful blond whispered in his ear, "No, I'm Norwegian."


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A Message by George Carlin:

A Message by George Carlin:
Source: Email contribution

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.

We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete...

Remember; spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.

Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.

Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.

Remember, to say, 'I love you' to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.

Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.

Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

If you don't send this to at least 8 people....Who cares?

George Carlin

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Dave Barry's colonoscopy journal

Dave Barry's colonoscopy journal
Source: Email contribution

I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to make an appointment for a colonoscopy. A few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a color diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all over the place, at one point passing briefly through Minneapolis. Then Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough, reassuring and patient manner. I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn't really hear anything he said, because my brain was shrieking, quote, 'HE'S GOING TO STICK A TUBE 17,000 FEET UP YOUR BEHIND!'

I left Andy's office with some written instructions, and a prescription for a product called 'MoviPrep,'which comes in a box large enough to hold a microwave oven. I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now suffice it to say that we must never allow it to fall into the hands of America's enemies.

I spent the next several days productively sitting around being nervous. Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I began my preparation. In accordance with my instructions, I didn't eat any solid food that day; all I had was chicken broth, which is basically water, only with less flavor. Then, in the evening, I took the MoviPrep. You mix two packets of powder together in a one-liter plastic jug, and then you fill it with lukewarm water. (For those unfamiliar with the metric system, a liter is about 32 gallons.) Then you have to drink the whole jug. This takes about an hour, because MoviPrep tastes - and here I am being kind - like a mixture of goat spit and urinal cleanser, with just a hint of lemon.

The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody with a great sense of humor, state that after you drink it, 'a loose watery bowel movement may result.' This is kind of like saying that after you jump off your roof, you may experience contact with the ground.

MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative. I don't want to be too graphic, here, but: Have you ever seen a space-shuttle launch? This is pretty much the MoviPrep experience, with you as the shuttle. There are times when you wish the commode had a seat belt. You spend several hours pretty much confined to the bathroom, spurting violently. You eliminate everything. And then, when you figure you must be totally empty, you have to drink another liter of MoviPrep, at which point, as far as I can tell, your bowels travel into the future and start eliminating food that you have
not even eaten yet.

After an action-packed evening, I finally got to sleep. The next morning my wife drove me to the clinic. I was very nervous. Not only was I worried about the procedure, but I had been experiencing occasional return bouts of MoviPrep spurtage. I was thinking, 'What if I spurt on Andy?' How do you apologize to a friend for something like that? Flowers would not be enough.

At the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that I understood and totally agreed with whatever the heck the forms said. Then they led me to a room full of other colonoscopy people, where I went inside a little curtained space and took off my clothes and put on one of those hospital garments designed by sadist perverts, the kind that, when you put it on, makes you feel even more naked than when you are actually naked.

Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in my left hand. Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Eddie was very good, and I was already lying down. Eddie also told me that some people put vodka in their MoviPrep. At first I was ticked off that I hadn't thought of this, but then I pondered what would happen if you got yourself too tipsy to make it to the bathroom, so you were staggering around in full Fire Hose Mode. You would have no choice but to burn your house.

When everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the procedure room, where Andy was waiting with a nurse and an anesthesiologist. I did not see the 17,000-foot tube, but I knew Andy had it hidden around there somewhere. I was seriously nervous at this point. Andy had me roll over on my left side, and the anesthesiologist began hooking something up to the needle in my hand. There was music playing in the room, and I realized that the song was 'Dancing Queen' by Abba. I remarked to Andy that, of all the songs that could be playing during this particular procedure, 'Dancing Queen' has to be the least appropriate.

'You want me to turn it up?' said Andy, from somewhere behind me. 'Ha ha,' I said. And then it was time, the moment I had been dreading for more than a decade. If you are squeamish, prepare yourself, because I am going to tell you, in explicit detail, exactly what it was like.

I have no idea. Really. I slept through it. One moment, Abba was shrieking 'Dancing Queen! Feel the beat from the tambourine' and the next moment, I was back in the other room, waking up in a very mellow mood. Andy was looking down at me and asking me how I felt. I felt
excellent. I felt even more excellent when Andy told me that it was all over, and that my colon had passed with flying colors. I have never been prouder of an internal organ.

Dave Barry is a Pulitzer Prize-winning humor Herald.


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Cussing In Church

Cussing In Church
Source: Email contribution

A crusty old man walks into the local Lutheran Church and says to the secretary, "I would like to join this damn church."

The astonished woman replies, "I beg your pardon, sir. I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?"

"Listen up, damn it. I said I want to join this damn church!"

“I’m very sorry sir, but that kind of language is not tolerated in this church."

The secretary leaves her desk and goes into the pastor's study to inform him of her situation.

The pastor agrees that the secretary does not have to listen to that foul language.

They both return to her office and the pastor asks the old geezer, "Sir, what seems to be the problem here?"

There is no damn problem," the man says. "I just won $200 million bucks in the damn lottery and I want to join this damn church to get rid of some of this damn money.”

"I see," said the pastor. "And is this bitch giving you a hard time?"

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Questions to ponder ..

Questions to ponder ..
Source: Email contribution
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If you have sex with a prostitute against her will, is it considered rape or shoplifting?

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Can you cry under water?

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How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

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Why do you have to 'put your two cents in'... but it's only a 'penny for your thoughts'? Where's that extra penny going to?

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Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

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Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

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What disease did cured ham actually have?

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How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

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Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up like every two hours?

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If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

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Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?

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Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

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Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.

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Why is 'bra' singular and 'panties' plural?

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Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

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If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?

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Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

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If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

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Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

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If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

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If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

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If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

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Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

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Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

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Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?

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Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

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Do you ever wonder why you gave me your e-mail address in the first place?

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